Round 2 Phase 2 Day 6 - The passage of time

Yaaaay! First official day of weight loss for Round 2! As of this morning, I am 1 lb lighter than my last weight (LDW) from Round 1! It took me a few days longer to get the load weight off, but I am there now. Being the freak that I am, I calculated my average after Day 6 for round one, which was a 15 lb total loss in 24 days = 0.625 lbs per day. At that rate, it would take me 38 total days on the drops to reach my goal weight. That just doesn't sound that great to me since I was hoping to do the shortest round possible. To reach my goal at the end of the planned 30 days I would need to reach an average of 0.85 lbs per day. This would be awesome, but it is awfully aggressive. Granted I made a few mistakes in the first round such as using powdered stevia instead of liquid, eating prepackaged chicken with starch in it, and eating out too often that I won't be making this round, but as my body gets closer to the goal weight I am sure that my loss will slow. I'm working all this out so that I set my expectations accurately. Lets say I split the two and hope for 0.7 average for the rest of this round, I am looking at a total 36 days of drops and 3 days of vlcd without drops. I am guessing that I will most likely be on Phase 2 until the end of August and I just need to deal with that fact. If, by the grace of God, I make it sooner I will just be pleasantly surprised. I just need to overcome the feeling of maybe having another 32 days of VLCD. It really makes me sick in the pit of my stomach that I may very well have to be on VLCD for the next 5 weekends. Weekends are always the hardest.

It is at times like this that I really have to remind myself to keep my eye on the prize. If you think about it in 4 weeks time, I will either be at my goal weight or I won't. The four weeks will pass regardless of what I will do and when I get to the other side will I be proud of what I have accomplished or will I not be? When I look at it in that light it isn't too long. What IS too long is the period of time I have waited or made excuses and had this cloud of being overweight my whole life. I could have and should have done this years ago. But I also know that God only gives us what we can handle and that He has a master plan. Maybe I wasn't strong enough until now, and the time leading up to now made me who I am today emotionally. I will know more about myself at the end of all of this than I ever have. Just remember... time will pass whether we do what we need to or not and its up to us how we will feel looking back on what we have done with that time.

Weight today: 168.4 Pounds loss this round: -1 lb Total lbs loss to date: -23
Lbs to goal: 20

Round 2 Goal Pics

Okay, so, I think in pictures. Last round I used an image of plus size model Crystal Renn as my goal picture for the beach and it helped to visualize. I reached her measurements by the end of round 1, so I thought it might help to have a healthy image of what my goal (and lifetime) weight will look at the end of round 2. Here is what I found for size 10 models. I am trying to be realistic about how I will generally look. I am not trying to be skinny, never want to be skinny, but I want to be healthy. I think these girls are beautiful. They have curves but don't look fat at all (I realize this is matter of opinion). Granted they are taller than me, I am liking the way that Jen Hunter, a british plus size model, looks. Especially next to a rail thin "straight size" model. Perspective, people, perspective!

Round 2 Phase 2 Day 5

First two days of VLCD down, at least 26 to go! Now that I am getting back in the routine, I realize I missed blogging, its very therapeutic, and we all need a little therapy every now and then :). I am still detoxing from my diet coke addition and dealing with a little bit of headache from that, but its not nearly as bad as last time. Now, I know to drink a couple cups of coffee with some vanilla stevia and cinnamon or a cup or two of Yerba Mate tea and it helps. I am also detoxing from the emotional connection to food that I went through last round. Even though I was much better at perspective during maintenance, I did find myself going back to getting excited about what I was going to eat and putting too much emphasis on it. I always think of a Kevin James stand up routine where he is talking about how excited we get when we are waiting for our food at a restaurant and when we see it coming out of the kitchen, how happy it makes us. No matter how involved a conversation is, we get so excited and watch it as they bring it to the table. Thats how I am, except I think about how I am going out to eat on a given night that morning and my excitement builds all day. Stupid. Anyway, so on this diet you are forced to not think about food, because if you do you are constantly disappointed with what you have to look forward to. I told a coworker yesterday that you know you are on a diet when you look forward all day to an orange :). I have learned so much from doing this, and I am very thankful to have stumbled upon it. I share on office with someone and I am sure that I get annoying when I start talking about the diet because I get so excited.

Even though I KNOW that it works, I am still waiting to actually say I have lost this round. I am on Day 5 and I have almost lost the six pounds that I gained from the load days. Its hard not to compare to last time, but by day 5 in round one I had lost over 5 lbs INCLUDING the load weight. Granted, i only gained like 2 lbs during my first round load, but I guess its just hard to realize that even though I have lost 5.5 lbs in the past two days that I really haven't lost anything yet. Tomorrow, hopefully, I can report my first loss for round two and boy am I ready. I don't think it will be possible for me to withstand a third round, so I am talking myself into going for as long as I need to this round to get to the beloved 148, even if it takes 45 days (gasp). (I know my heart breaks every time I think of it :) ). I just CANNOT come this far and not make it my goal. It is so important for me to reach that since I never have. I think until I prove it to myself I will not believe it. And this is where I have to draw upon strength from God, because I know that I can't do it on my own. He gave me the tools and the strength, but I still have to choose to use them. Okay God, I am using them! (I also know that daily I ask for His patience, and I know when we ask God answers by giving us opportunities to use patience, I just hope he doesn't make me use it too much this round :) )

Last night was really hard for me, I seem to be dealing with hunger more this round. Not unbearable, but last night I went to bed around 9 (I get up at 4:15 am) and my husband stayed up and microwaved a chicken pot pie. I was drifting off to sleep when the aroma filled our bedroom. From that point on I tossed and turned thinking about the flaky gooey goodness. I was soooo hungry. My husband is super supportive, and I know he didn't know that he was driving me stark raving mad. I should have just got up and sprayed some febreeze, but I just suffered through it. I was miserable. This morning my tummy was growling before I got out of the shower. I am hoping this will subside after a couple more days, but I was confused after I talked to a rep at yourhcg.com when I bought my second round drops. I told the rep that I had seen some comments about how the second bottle people received didn't seem as potent or to work as well as the first one. I asked her if it was possible to get a bottle that was not as effective and she said yes. I really didn't like that answer so I asked how we were supposed to deal with paying $100 for a bottle and it not guaranteed to be as strong as the one before and she said you just have to increase the drops per day. I didn't like that answer either, but didn't really have any other options. I still wonder sometimes what actually is in the bottle. But thats neither here nor there, I have gone on and on about it in past blogs there is no need to revisit it. Proof is in the pudding right? Mmmm...pudding :)

Todays Weight: 170.0 Starting weight: 169.4 Total lbs lost: +.6 (still losing load weight)

Round 2 Phase 2 Day 3 - And so it begins again

Loading for the past two days has not been fun. I have constantly felt like I was going to vomit with all of the food I ate. For the past two months I have felt good, I have only felt stuffed maybe once or twice in maintenance, but my eating capacity has truly changed. I know it sounds completely ridiculous, but I, the girl who once could eat an entire pizza on my own, scoop or two of icecream for dessert, had terrible trouble eating more than 2,000 calories yesterday. I felt bloated, my jeans felt tight. It is hard emotionally to go back to that place. I tell you what, this diet takes a serious toll on the emotions. You can go from zero to estactic back to zero in the matter of days. It is so important to keep your eye on the prize. Which in my case is the way I felt after resuming normal eating habits and seeing my body want and even try to stay at my new found weight. I feel like this is the something that will finally break the cycle. Of course its easy to be in such a great mood on day 1 of the very low calorie diet, and I have yet to eat my first piece of chicken, but hey I did it last time, I can do it again. It helps to know that there are others who have done it. I can't let myself down, but I can't let them down either. Its easier to stay on track if people are holding you accountable.

So today is my 1st vlcd day and last night I was begging for it. I grilled some chicken breast last night and brought in some frozen asparagus and an orange for lunch today at work. I am preparing as best I can for the onset of headaches that I endured the first week last time. I am going to have to diet coke detox again. (I figure if that is my worst vice I am doing good) I bought some Yerba Mate tea back in maintenance but never tried it, although I had heard really good things about it. I am not a big tea drinker, I have to hold my nose when I drink the smooth move tea, but I just had a cup of hot Yerba Mate with a few drops of vanilla stevia and its awesome!!! I am really excited about that because I have read on some of the websites about how great it is as a supplement to the diet. Hopefully it will help with my headaches this first week.

So, I gained 6 whole pounds on my two load days which I am very not happy about, but I just have to tell myself to chill. I have seen on the websites where people have gained upwards of 9 lbs. I have a good feeling that those 6 pounds will be gone in a couple of days on the vlcd, so hopefully I will officially start losing by Friday. My starting weight that I will measure from is 169.4. Goal is to be 148 which is a total loss of 21.4 lbs.

Today's Weight: 175.4 lbs from start of this round: +6 (yucky) lbs to goal: 27.4

Round 1 Phase 2 Results Table

Okay, so I have discovered that I enjoy everyone's blogs so much more when all the data is in one place, so here are my first round results. I like looking at them to remind me what I am capable of in this round. I am starting round 2 at my LDW weight of 169.4 as you can see on Day 31.

Weight Chart Through Phase 4

Okay so you can see here why I had a terrible time in Phase 3 and Phase 4. My LDW is the horizontal red line, and even though the last three days before Round 2 began I was at my LDW I was all over the map. This was due in large part to my vacation that began on the first day of phase 4. I ate (and drank whatever I wanted) and the result was 7 lbs above LDW. But after a week of working out and eating what I want (just not going crazy and NO STEAK DAYS) I was back to my LDW. So although it isn't a pretty picture, I still feel pretty good about what my metabolism is doing. Any of you out there doing the diet really should chart your progress it is very helpful to see where you are going and where you have been (no matter how ugly it is)

Round 2 Phase 1 Day 2

I am still alive!!!! I apologize to all those out there that follow my blog, I didn't realize anybody really checked it, and have been very bad about checking in to let everyone know that I am still here. I knew all along I would start posting again with my new round, but I should have let everyone know how my maintenance was going. I was feeling awfully whiny posting every day about how much I hated phase 3, but I really did. If you take a look at the graph I will post later you will see why. I was really not prepared for the ups and downs and the all over the place I would be during maintenance, but drum roll please.......the day before I started loading for round 2, I was at my LDW (or the weight I was when I finished phase 2 of the diet). I really did not have faith after I came back from vacation 7 pounds, yes SEVEN POUNDS above my LDW weight, but after a week of paying attention and working out, my body did exactly what the diet says it will, it went back to my LDW. YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!! I truly, truly felt like my metabolism has been reset (for the first time in my long dieting history) and I am really happy about that. This spurred me on to begin my Round 2. I am not excited about the very low calorie diet (the thought of nothing but chicken and beef makes me gag a little), but I think, having been through the whole process, I can make it through my phase 2 knowing that if I make it through at the end of this whole process I could be at my goal weight. A weight I have never, ever in my adult life been. I was 150 lbs when I was a senior in high school and I was comfortable and happy with myself then, so I am going to shoot for 148. I cannot imagine a day that the scale will smile upon me with that number, but I believe it is possible. Knowing that my weight loss did slow at the end of phase 2 last round, I understand that I may not lose the twenty pounds I have left, but I think I will be happy with whatever that may be as long as I have given it my absolute best. When I started this journey, I didn't start it to cross the finish line with 10 pounds left to lose, but I realize in this next round, I need to be less harsh to myself. After all, finally losing it means losing the negativity and mind games that I play with myself. Its about being happy with who I am and celebrating my successes instead of only seeing my faults. So here I am, my second day of loading and I don't know how I could possibly eat another piece of food. Yesterday, I had a calzone, piece of pizza, chocolate covered twinkies, cheeseburger, fries and two, yes two chocolate milkshakes from Hardees and I still don't think I touched 5,000 calories. I am doing even worse today but I just feel sick eating all this crap. So using the start weight of 169.4, I would like to lose another 21.4 lbs. I lost a total of 22 lbs the first round so although I think its possible, its going to be tougher than the first round. If during the course of the second round I realize that I may not reach my goal, I will still do the minimum of 23 days. In my mind though, I using 30 days as a benchmark. I will post every other day or so to keep up.