Not over them, but for them!

The other day I was drudging through the non existent summer TV programming.  I normally choose three or four shows to be involved in, DVR them, and watch them as my unwind from the day after the kids go to bed.  These shows vary from all different parts of the spectrum, and frankly, my To-do record list looks a little schizophrenic - The Bachelor/Bachelorette, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Girls, Togetherness, Bates Motel, Downton Abbey, Masterpiece Theatre, Call the Midwife, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, True Detective, Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol, and Blaze and the Monster Machines.  I normally keep a backlog that I can choose from if the satellite loses signal or if its a night of nothing on.  Well because I had nothing in the backlog, I was channel surfing... I saw the title "Masters of Sex" and decided to see what the hub bub was all about.  Not because of the title, but because I had heard such good things about the series (which is about the controversial release of the first book about Sex in America, and what the people did and went through for the research).  The episode I watched actually had nothing to do with sex at all, for I was afraid it would turn into a "Skinamax" show at the drop of the hat.  It was more about the relationships and the experiences of the people that wrote and published the book.  Now, I am saying this, only having watched two whole episodes, so you will have to forgive me if it is really a show full of sex crazed individuals - I didn't see any of that when I watched. 

Sometimes it is relaxing for me to watch TV shows that depict people struggling.  I am not going to lie.  Maybe it makes me feel like I actually have my crap together.  Either way I was just watching, drinking my usual glass of wine and eating a block of cheese (don't ask).  I was not expecting a random show to impact me so much.  I admit I have been super emotional this week.  I think its the combo of being over tired, busy at work, and still trying to adjust from the post vacation slumps.  It could be the case of Mama Guilt I just posted about or just the fact that I miss my kids 10 hrs out of everyday.  Since Isaac was born 3.5 years ago the stay-at-home mom/working mom debate has been on my mind and honestly a struggle in my heart.  I mostly have heard the argument for staying at home with your kids, and very few on the side of being a working mom that I felt suited my own argument.  I am not an ambitious person in my career.  I think I work hard and I do hoping to earn in return, and I strive to do a good job, but notoriety and working up the chain has never been a goal for me - so that argument (for me) was out.  I like to listen to Dr. Laura on my way home from work sometimes, although sometimes I think she is a total witch, and I can't stand to listen when she starts berating working mothers.  So much so that I often start to feel that way about myself.  Like that things like finances and insurance don't matter and that we should sell everything we have and be together.  I do know that is a possibility in life, and people struggle to make it work, and I do SO admire those people, and some days are INSANELY jealous of them.  But losing the last 20 lbs I would like to lose is a possibility too that doesn't seem very easily done.  So in the vein of my last post about Mama Guilt, when I saw this interaction of this show, it struck a very large nerve.

Here is a copy of the script of the conversation that moved me to tears.  A little background, forgive me for my lack of understanding the entire show.  Virginia and Bill are working together on the book.  Virginia is a working mother, who is about to have another baby.   She is afraid she is going to screw this kid up because she worked through the raising of her other two kids, and well, they are kinda screwed up (not because of that but she feels like it anyway).  She is literally in labor and having an argument with Bill about work.  Note:  Any stay at home moms out there, please don't be offended, in fact, like I said earlier, I am jealous of you and admire you.  I don't think you all smother your kids and resent them because you don't have a career outside of the home.  Its that I just wanted to show a little love for the working moms out there too.  The clip from the show just had me in tears, it was the weirdest thing.  I suppose it is because I work in a predominantly male industry also where if I am promoted or congratulated it is because I have boobs and a vagina rather than actually doing a good job.  So I actually do feel like I have to work harder to prove myself.  I also struggle with whether I am screwing my kids up because I am not at home with them.  I think it was a conglomeration of several things.  Regardless, I had never heard the pros of working mothers put quite the way Bill did in his argument.  At this point, any positives about working while raising a family is welcome.

Virginia: Then I need to try harder.
Yes, much harder.
I-I need to spend more time at home, Bill.
I need to leave work early.
I need to come in later.
I need to take all the qualities that make me good at my job, and I need to apply them to being a mother.

William: I see.  So you think that's what every child needs, - a mother who's at home? 

Virginia: - Yes! 

William: Well, I had a mother at home all day, every day.  You too, yes? Did that make you feel happy? Loved? Or oppressed by the attention? Suffocated by their resentment of being stuck doing the same thing day in and day out.  Maybe if those women had taken off their aprons and ventured outside, held their own against men, felt their worth in the world, and brought all that home to their children, maybe their kids wouldn't have spent all that time wanting to be free of them.  

Virginia: I don't know, Bill.  

William: Perhaps it's your ambivalence that's the problem, t-t-that you-- you live in a constant state of apology to your children.  What if-- what if you showed this baby that you were choosing to pursue your passion, not-- not over him, but for him.  You know, so that every single night, you could bring him home a piece of the world, a world that you are working to change for the better.  Maybe there is more than just one way to do most things, including being a mother.

That I think, is the main point.  There is more than just one way to do most things and to do them well. Some stay at home moms are awesome, and some suck.  Some working moms suck, but some are totally AWESOME too, so chin up!  Go out there and bring the best parts of the world home to your little ones, and don't get stuck in a rut thinking you choosing your work over your kids, but FOR THEM.  Can I get an Amen!?!?!?!?

Also...Don't start watching "Master's of Sex" because I quoted it, it will be my luck the next episode will be full of actual sex. Eeeek!