Round 1 Phase 3 Day 17

Been a while since I posted, I have been all over the place in maintenance, and its been ticking me off. Had to do a steak day yesterday to recover from the weekend (on Saturday I was at my LDW weight, but on Sunday I was 3 lbs over and 4 lbs over when I woke up yesterday, with no real explanation). I am currently 1.8 lbs above my ldw weight. I guess I am beginning to get concerned because I am not stabilizing. At first I thought it was just me being nuts about it, but now its getting ridiculous. Is more than one day at the same weight too much to ask for? And I haven't been eating off of the maintenance protocol so I that makes me anxious to think about how I am going to do when I add carbs back into my eating...To be so happy with the diet only to feel like if you ate a cracker you would gain it all back makes me so nervous its hard to enjoy my body at this weight. Next Monday begins a week long vacation at the beach, and although I am feeling good about how I look in my swimsuit, I am concerned about how I will do. I think it would be so hard for me to come home from vacation and have to go back to work and do a million steak days before I start the second round. There must be some hidden sugars or something in what I have been eating. I just don't know. For the first time I am really feeling alone in this because most of the women seem to have stabilized in their second week. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little brighter...

Dr. Oz and the Waist to Hip Ratio

I did a lot research at the beginning of my diet so that I would know how to measure myself against healthy statistics. There is my ideal weight according to my height and build (148 lbs) and suggested BMI for my age and height to measure against, but I wanted to know what Dr. Oz thought. I have watched his show in the past and read some of his books and he seems to make a whole lot of sense so I did research on how he thinks we should measure our health. In his opinion, it all comes down to our waist measurement. He says that as a general rule, a persons waist should be smaller than their height in inches divided by 2. So when I started the diet, I did the calculation. I am 5'5" so I took 65/2 to be my limit for a healthy waistline. My waist was supposed to be smaller than 32.5"! At the time this was very very depressing because mine was very yucky when I started the diet at 40 .5". My waist was at least eight inches too large. Eight inches is a lot!!! It seemed impossible to me that in a mere 6 weeks I could whittle all that extra down. Guess What?!?!?! My waist measurement is now 32" and still shrinking. I am so very proud of myself I can't stand it. When I realized that this morning I pulled my ruler out of my desk drawer and looked at 8 inches and was almost in tears. I still have a ways to go, but I think I can get used to this loving myself (just a little) :)

Round 1 Phase 3 Day 11 - woo hoo for the inches

So yesterday I was very euphoric about the two lbs loss and about the exercise, so I went jogging again, this time dragging my whining husband with me. Its much more fun that way. I was back up on the scale again this morning, but I didn't have a major meltdown like before. I have resigned to the fact that I am stabilizing and its just going to happen no matter what. Besides it was only up .6, and the ONLY thing I am supposed to focus on is being within 2 lbs of my LDW. I was so used to the loss everyday that it took me, oh about ten days, to retrain my mind to only be concerned about staying within two lbs of that LDW weight. Maybe I am slow or something, but that transition was tough. Now, I can cool my jets... Also, some more good news for you other on the diet with me. Although I have been on maintenance now for 11 days, I am still losing inches! I was totally not expecting that, but I love it. So advice to all you out there, continue to take your measurements at least once a week in maintenance it will definitely lift your spirits is you aren't at your goal weight and are having trouble wanting to stabilize when you have more rounds to go. This morning, when I measured I had lost a whole other inch and a half in my waist. No kidding! I didn't lose anywhere else, but I was just so overjoyed. I am now the same measurements as America's Next Top Model winner Whitney Thompson (see pics in older posts)!!!! Yaaaaaay!

LDW Weight: 169.4
Todays Weight: 169.2
-.2 under LDW

Lost another 1.5" in my waist!

Round 1 Phase 3 Day 10 - God is Good

Finally, a good morning. Yesterday I was being such a negative nancy for no reason. I ate an oz. of almonds, some ham and cheese roll ups and a 10 oz steak yesterday (my version of a high protein day). After supper, even though I am still getting over my cold, I decided I needed to get out and exercise. During P2, I had missed my exercise, and bought some really nice running shoes in anticipation of Phase 3. So when my weight was bouncing around this past week and I got sick that made me a little depressed. I wanted to run for some unknown reason, so yesterday, as my husband was telling me how crazy I was for not only going running after eating a 10 oz. steak, but in 98 degree heat after not exercising for a month, I set out on the open road. Yes it was hot, but it felt so good. I just felt great to be alive and stupid for being so depressed about something so small. I thanked God for the day and for His help. I breathed in the air coming across the open field. It was just awesome. Not to mention I awoke this morning to a 2 lb loss! I just don't need to get so stressed about it. I am happy I am exercising again, and weirdly cannot wait until this afternoon when I can do it again.

LDW Weight: 169.4
Weight this morning: 168.6
0.8 lbs under LDW (YAAAAAY)

Did I mention I hate maintenance...

Thought I would check in to hold myself accountable and to make sure that I am not losing my mind. I beginning to think the name of my blog is fitting for more than just the weight. Did I mention that I hate maintenance. I loved the diet a lot more when the scale went down every morning. I became a very spoiled brat on phase 2, and I wish now for its structure and results. Today is my ninth day on Maintenance, and I have been on a rollercoaster ever since my last 500 calorie day. I have been sick, which hasn't helped, but sick mentally from the up and down of the scale. I keep reading the same posts on the board over and over again to make sure I am not the only one who feels this way. Seems there are a lot of people that truly stabilize and have a jolly ole time on this stretch (even lose) but I just haven't felt that way. We are so very trained to live and die by the small digital number on the devil scale that any little bit back on and it is easy to feel defeated. I went from being a very glass is over flowing to "is that all there is left in the glass?" Boo. I don't like it. Anyway, so I have resided to the fact that I am not going to lose more that I wanted to reach the arbitrary goal I made for myself in the beginning. When good ol' Dr. Simeons said you will maintain at the weight you are on the last drop days he wasn't kidding. My actual weight the morning after the last day I did the drops was 169.4, but during the next three days it went down to 167.8. Which for some reason sounds so much better than 169.4. So I wanted to measure from 167.8 as my LDW, but alas I cannot trick the mother protocol. This weekend was very busy and wasn't very structured. I had a girls night with my best friends (but did not cheat), my nephew's 2nd birthday (but did not cheat), and Father's Day (but did not cheat) and this morning I was 170.6. Not only was it devastating to see that I had gained 2 lbs, but that dreadful 170's were back. After beating myself up quite a bit, I am thinking I need to follow the protocol and catch the rest of it on round 2. If I follow protocol, my LDW is 169.4 so I am not even over 2 lbs yet. I did a sort of protein day and am planning on getting some exercise this afternoon to see if I can get it back down to my LDW. If not, I will be doing a dreaded steak day tomorrow. This phase 3 is very not nice to people who have a complex that they are going to wake up tomorrow and magically gain all the weight back (which is me). I am sorry to be such a downer today, its really not like me. Hopefully I can feel back in control and make some headway today.

So here are the real stats: LDW : 169.4
Today's: 170.6
Over 1.2 lbs

I HATE MAINTENANCE, I want the diet again!

Well poo. If I knew of a word worse than dissapointment I would use it. First day on maintenance I gained a pound. Did a steak day - lost .6. This morning gained another pound! So after my throwing a very childish fit, I have gained a total of 1.4 lbs. Three days on maintenance and I feel like a huge failure. Booo! Granted I am still not 2 lbs over my last weight on the drops but my mind is still set on the 165 lb goal line which means I am now 4.2 away from that. I literally was just fuming this morning. We are taught throughout this whole thing to live and die by the scale, so it cuts pretty deep when you are trying very hard.
So I broke down this morning and emailed a consultant to ask what was happening to me. I gave her the whole breakdown of what I have eaten since Sunday, and she said that I am definitely in protein starvation. That I have to focus the next three days on eating protein every three hours. Yucky...I feel like I could do without protein for years, but at least I know now what is probably happening. I am going to have to go all out on the beef and chicken another week and see what happens. I am so afraid of maintenance and gaining ANY of the weight back that I will just have to do it.
I can't take this trend going the other way!
Total weight GAIN since Sunday: 1.4 lb Total weight loss to date: -22.2 lbs

On a good note, I did take my measurements yesterday and had lost another half inch in my hips and and inch and a half in my waist from last week. For a grand total of 17.5 inches lost. Well I guess I need to go eat some more protein :( Hopefully I will have better news tomorrow.

Before and After Pictures. Yaaaaay!

So here they are.....I felt like I needed a visual boost since the gain this morning. Sometimes we just gotta step back and see how far we have come. I am very very not proud of the pictures (backfat picture is miserable) a month ago, and my afters are certainly not gorgeouso but I do see the big changes and it makes me happy. Hope it helps to make you fellow suffers out there a little happy too. I don't know what possessed me to where those pants in the beginning, they have to be the most unflattering pants on the planet whether you are jumbo sized or little, but hey I started with them so I have to stick with them. My husband likes to point out how abnormally small it makes my feet look :)

Round 1 Phase 3 Day 2

:/ That was my face this morning.... There is a reason I am so afraid of Phase 3... My first gain in 34 days and I just feel like utter crap. So I finished my last day on vlcd strong at 23.6 lbs gone (forever I thought). I was at 167.8, a mere 2.8 lbs away from my goal of 165, and I was thinking I could work with that, get down the 2.8 lbs and maintain happily. Well Sunday was my very first maintenance day. Friday night my very patient husband and I spent and hour and a half at the grocery store picking through "health nut food" to find things like almond flour and flaxseeds and other items I had never heard of before. I was very excited but overwhelmed with the choices and things that I needed to cook with. Saturday morning, my last day on vlcd mind you, I made my stepson his favorite kind of cake (which happened to be my fav also), strawberry cake with vanilla icing, and even though it wasn't that pretty I was proud. I didn't even lick my fingers!!!! No taste of it whatsoever. Sunday morning I awoke to no loss, but was still proud none the less. So I drank my first diet coke in 33 days, and was unimpressed with the satisfaction, although a little carbonation was nice. My family went out to eat after church to Applebee's. So after staring at the menu for ten minutes, feeling like I was deciding the fate of my entire life, I chose a grilled chicken salad. Basic salad with ranch dressing. I ate half of it and saved the rest for dinner. The hubby and I decided to relax by the pool, and three Michelob Ultra's later, I was toast and so was my first day of maintenance. I immediately drank three huge glasses of water, but it was too late. Before dinner I had a handful of organic trail mix. I tried to eat an oz. of cheese with the rest of my salad, but just didn't want anything else. So I woke up this morning and I had gained a whole pound. I was just so mad at myself. So mad in fact that I am enforcing a steak day on the second day of maintenance. Now I have 3.8 to lose and maintain! Grrrrrrrr. Well if you are gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough, and well I will just have to be tough today. I knew three beers was too much, I knew this after the first one, but we were having so much fun I didn't even think. After 33 days of no cheating and then this. Well I have sufficiently beat myself up for this one, lets see how a steak day on the second day of maintenance goes...the cauliflower pizza will just have to wait one more day :(

New Inspirational Photos

So, I don't know where I have been, I guess not watching America's Next Top Model... but I came across season 10's winner Whitney Thompson in my search for models we could actually look up to. Here are some of her photos ( I think she is gorgeous). Her measurements are 36-32-43. I was astounded that we have the same measurements (except in the waist, I am a little larger) of course she is 5'10" against my 5'5" but sizewise it puts it in perspective. Oh and I think I did mention that she WON!!!

Round 1 Phase 2 day 30 and 31

What a happy, happy Friday it is! For some reason, maybe just because it is Friday, but I have enough energy to run the Boston Marathon (maybe not the entire thing, but probably the first mile). I am feeling good, and stopped beating myself up for not reaching my goal weight by the last day I took the drops. Yesterday, I lost .4 lbs and this morning when I awoke, another happy pound was gone. So technically you are not supposed to go 2 lbs below your weight on the last day of the drops, but I am being rebellious and trying ever so hard to get to my goal of 165 lbs before I stabilize. So, as of this morning I am at 168.4, and I have 3.4 lbs to go until I will feel utter and unlimited joy for the next four weeks. My husband, who has continously been amazed at how I beat myself up when I don't lose over a half a pound has become frustrated with the fact that I am so focused on my 165 goal. "BUT YOU LOST 23 POUNDS IN 31 DAYS!!!" He said to me this morning. He can't believe I am not bouncing off the wall at my progress. I really am very happy, its just my own neurotic need to reach the goal that I set for myself, and I know that I will some how. I want to make Round 2 as short as I can make it :) (23 days), and I figure to get to my ULTIMATE goal of 148, I will need to lose about 17 more pounds on Round 2. I think that is doable.
Right now, I am very, very afraid of Phase 3. Phase 2 has been very strict, and it was great to have a list of foods and portion sizes that you could always reference. The protocol was simple to follow. Now its like there is a whole world of choices opening up before me as long as they withold the two rules of no starch and sugar. I have done Atkins before and Phase 3 really sounds a lot like the first phase of Atkins so I am wondering if I can go back to the things I know about it. I went to the website today www.atkins.com and they do break the first phase into lists of acceptable food and it looks very much like the list of acceptable phase 3 foods in the redbook. I have found the phase 3 cookbook and it actually references that it has atkins recipes and such in them. There are a lot of yummy recipes in them, but I am afraid because my baking and cooking skills are sub par at best. I guess I will learn to have some fun in the kitchen! I am going to do a little research today so that I can be ready on Sunday. I know that Atkins 1st phase only allows 20 carbohydrates a day which limits the fruit, so I think that for the first week of so I am going to try to follow it while watching the sugars and see how it goes. I am so afraid to gain, although looking at other women's progress it seems to bounce around a good bit while you are stabilizing. Can you tell I am anxious?!?!
Well first things first, lets hope I can lose the extra 3.4 lbs this weekend and start Phase 3 strong.

Lbs lost in past two days: -1.4 lbs Total to date: -23 lbs

Updated Weight Chart

Just a few more dots left...Ever so close!

Round 1 Phase 2 Day 29 and 30

You know this diet really turns us into weight losing nazis...I have lost a lot of weight in the past 29 days, but instead of celebrating that to its fullest, I get really ticked when I stall. So much so that yesterday I didn't even feel like writing about it. What a spoiled weight loss brat I am :). I guess the reason why I was so down is because today is my 30th day on the drops and I did not reach my goal yet. I am so goal oriented that unless I reach that I sort of feel like a failure. Ridiculous? I know, but I can't help it. I have 4.8 more pounds to lose, so my plan and hope is that I will disobey protocol (bad, bad Sarah)and lose it during maintenance. I have seen this happen with a lot of the other women so...tomorrow starts my three 500 calorie days without the drops before I go on maintenance. Maybe if I add food slowly in maintenance and start exercising I can get there. I so much wanted to be at 165 when I went to the beach, and also it would mean I only had 17 lbs left for the second round. 17 sounds so much lower than 20 :P. I guess its even harder to deal with when you know you have never been so committed to something and refused to cheat even on the hard days and you have come to expect a daily loss. ANYWAY, I am done whining. Need to suck it up and be proud of what I have accomplished so far.
Speaking of which, my daily Bible devotion said something this morning that I thought I might share. I have prayed a lot of times in my life for the strength to do something like this. My study this morning was about how God answers prayer, in particular how He answered it for Elijah in the Old Testament. An answer to prayer always requires this before it : God commands, we obey, He answers. Its funny how my prayers were never followed up before with the actual OBEY part of it. He commands we take care of our body, I didn't obey, and so His answer was always no. I finally got it! He commands, I obey, He answers by giving me the will and strength to do this and BAM 21.6 lbs gone!! God is good. Imagine if we followed these steps for all of our prayers...

Total weight loss for the past two days: - 1 lb Total weight loss to date: -21.6 lbs (169.8 lbs)

Also took my weekly measurements this morning:
Chest: Starting: 40.5" This Week: 36" Total loss: 4.5" ( okay that can stop now :)
Waist: Starting: 40" This Week: 35" Total loss: 5"
Hips: Starting: 47" This Week: 43" Total loss: 4"
Right Arm: Starting: 12" This Week: 11" Total loss: 1"
Right Thigh: Starting: 21" This Week: 20.5" Total loss: .5"

TOTAL INCHES LOST IN THESE AREAS THIS PAST WEEK: 3"
TOTAL INCHES LOST IN THESE AREAS TO DATE: 15"!!!!!!

Round 1 Phase 2 Day 28

Well, well, in the home stretch for Phase 3. I am already dreaming of cheese and cauliflower pizza...So this past weekend, I bent the diet protocol rules for the first time in my whole 28 days on the program. Just goes to show you that maybe if something works for someone else, it doesn't necessarily work for you especially in thinking you can outsmart the all knowing Dr. Simeons. So Friday night, my step son graduated from high school and where do we all go to celebrate? My most favorite bean burrito and chips and nacho cheese maker Mexican restaurant. Not only did I sit across my wife-in-law (my husband's ex wife), but I had to smell the yummy goodness of chips and salsa all night. So I decided it was time for a drink. I had read that some of the girls tried vodka and water with lemon, so I had a couple.... they were really good :) So on Saturday, I was surprised to discovered after my cheatery that I had lost .6 lbs, only to have a stall the next two days. I know, I know, if all my friends jumped off a bridge, would I jump to? Well if they had a twinkie I might would :). Well, its the ONLY deterrence I have had from the almighty protocol, so I am not going to beat myself up about it, but I will hate it if I am within a couple of pounds of my goal.
Taking into account that I just said I shouldn't do what everyone else is doing just because it works for them, I am toying very seriously with doing a second round. If I meet my first round goal, I will be within 17 lbs of the doctors charts! I never thought I would ever see that day. I do have to admit though that another 23 days of 500 calories does make me want to cry, but I will actually be considered at a normal weight. Not overweight, but a healthy weight!! I can't even imagine. So, I am thinking I can go through this again, but here is the thing...In the protocol, you have to do 3 weeks of maintenance (no starch or sugar) and three weeks of normal eating before you do another round. That means I will have to wait an entire 6 weeks before I can start round 2 and that just isn't sitting right with me. Yes I definitely need a break, but not for six weeks!!! I fear I will lose my momentum and I just want to get the weight off. I want to do three weeks of maintenance, one week of normal and then start the diet again. That would be cutting out two weeks of Phase 4. Some believe this would be a cardinal sin and that I would hence never be able to maintain what I lost in Round 1 or 2, but I just have to think that if I maintain my new weight for four weeks that I will be okay to start another round. I am doing some research on it now, so I will post more as I learn more. The jury is still out...

TOTAL WEIGHT LOST SINCE FRIDAY -0.8 lbs TOTAL WEIGHT TO DATE: -20.6

Total to go for round 1 to reach goal -5.8; So I am going to have to pull out all the stops this week if I am going to reach goal by Sunday. Lets hope I can do it by then!

Round 1 Phase 2 Day 25

So, last night was the first time ever I felt like I was starving. I don't know if it was something I did, or didn't do, or if its just the nature of living off of 500 calories a day for 24 days, but all I could think about was the new strawberry and golden oreo blizzard from DQ that I saw on a commercial and I wanted to tackle my husband and take away his strawberry pop tart. So, needless to say I went to bed at 8:30, and even though it was a long nights sleep it was a restless one. I feel a little better today, and have gotten my daily dose of encouragement from the facebook page. I am still concerned because my TOM has just not arrived (its been 44 days since my last one) but it seems like everyone is contributing it to the weight loss. Oh well, Onward and upward!
Here is what I ate yesterday (I know its pretty repetitive):
100 grams of grilled chicken with spices from redbook
Medium sized sliced tomato
Apple with a little cinnamon sprinkled on top
Laura's Lean Beef pattie (100 grams)
1 cup of grilled vidalia onion
10 strawberries
And to keep myself from stealing my husband's poptart - a melba toast
Lots and Lots of water

Weight loss from yesterday: -0.8 lbs Total to date: -19.8 lbs (so very close to the 2-0!)
(6.6 more to go to meet my self imposed goal)

Thought this was interesting...

A shoot in a magazine showed several pictures of a size 4 model next to Crystal Renn who is a size 12. Check out this quote (I loved it) What Gary Dakin (the man who runs the plus-size division of Ford Models) says: In one shoot in the same magazine Crystal Renn was photographed opposite the size 4 model Jacquelyn Jablonski in exactly the same clothes. “Renn wiped the floor with her,” says Dakin.
I AGREE!



If you are interested here are Crystal's measurements:
Chest: 38"
Waist: 30"
Hips: 42"
I am 7" away. YAAAAY!

Here is a quote from her:What Crystal says:
“We are all models. Beautiful girls are beautiful girls. Size should not matter. Look in the street and there are all kinds of shapes and sizes. Why are we here? To get people to shop and feel good about themselves. Somehow that has been forgotten. Just because a girl is bigger, she can’t be inspiring? What kind of message is that? And it’s not even true.”

Also if your interested, here is a video about how the model industry is changing:

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/fashion/article7115562.ece

Inspirational photos for the beach trip - this my goal

Okay so, I think as we are losing, we still need to maintain perspective. I love to follow plus size models Crystal Renn and Tara Lynn because I think they are beautiful confident and healthy women. It just goes to show that all women are beautiful at all sizes and shapes, so along the way, we all should feel beautiful. This may even be what some of us will look like at our goal weight. I realize I will never be super skinny, even at my goal weight I will most likely be a size 10, and that is just fine for me. This picture of Crystal Renn in a bikini is just gorgeous and she is a size 12. My motivation for 4th of July beach weekend!

Inches

So I have shared my success in pounds, I may as well go ahead and share my success in inches, because I see a lot of women questioning if the loss of inches is also true. I am again owning my own numbers instead of being ashamed and I hope it inspires others to own their too. Here are my stats:

Starting on May 11, 2010:
Chest: 40.5
Waist (at belly button): 40
Hips (at widest part, trust me not hard to find :): 47
Right Arm (midway bt elbow and shoulder): 12
Right Thigh (midway bt hip and knee): 21

Measurements as of yesterday:
Chest: 37 total loss of 3.5" (Yaaay, but it can stop now :)
Waist: 35.5 total loss of 4.5" (Hallelujah)
Hips: 43.5 total loss of 3.5" (Praise the Lord)
Right Arm: 11.5 total loss of .5" (Hey its a half inch of the flappies so I am happy)
Right Thigh: 21 total loss of 0" (I hope this improves for the old shorts this summer)

So total inches lost in these areas: 12 inches in 23 days!!!!!!! I AM CELEBRATING MY NUMBERS!! I know this sounds low if you are also reading other blogs, but I only measure 5 places where some measure 15.

In My Opinion...

Okay so yesterday was the first time I publicized my blog, and by yesterday afternoon I have a message on facebook that really made me think. The title of the facebook message was "you might want to add the real truth to your blog". The title alone made me bow up a little (southern for ready to attack because I have made no un true statements on my blog. Period. The message went on to read that the woman was interested in going into the hcg business so she did a lot of research, consultations, etc and found that the hcg drops that I am taking are purely alcohol and water, nothing more than a placebo, and that the only reason why anyone is losing weight is because of the 500 calorie diet. This has been a large controversy on the facebook page and their are fierce defenders of both arguments. I do appreciate the message as it was informative based on her own experiences and reflected a lot of thoughts and discussions I have had since I have been on this diet. Not that anybody cares how I feel about it, but here it goes...the bottom line to me is I DON'T CARE. I am very well aware that it is a good possibility that the drops are alcohol and water, but I just don't care. If someone would have set me down and told me that I could do a 500 calorie diet with no help whatsoever in the beginning, I would have said they were nuts and not even considered this diet, and I am sure that is true for most women. Whether it has any effective ingredient in it all, doesn't matter to me because the results that I and other women are having are worth the $100. Women spend thousands and thousands of dollars for a weight loss cure, so even if it is a placebo, it had the right effect because it is helping women attain what they haven't been able to attain anywhere else. If the company is making millions of dollars off of a "fake" product, they will answer for it in this world or after this life and that is of no concern to me. The only other downside to buying the product if it truly is a placebo is that we are actually doing this all on our own. That would mean every woman that has lost the weight has had the strength and ability within herself. I will quote what Dr. Simeons has said about this: "We have had cases in which patients have proudly flaunted their dieting powers in front of their friends without mentioning the fact that they are also receiving treatment with HCG. They let their friends try the same diet, and when this proves to be a failure - as it necessarily must - the patient starts raking in unmerited kudos for superhuman willpower." If the drops do not contain HCG it means that the women who have lost should receive "kudos for superhuman willpower". And I am okay with believing that those who have succeeded have done so, and should receive those kudos. I appreciate the woman's honesty, and who knows, my next round I may try without the drops. She even mentioned that she is on her second round with great results, just no drops. But if these drops are the push that women need to succeed, the small help to say "you can do this" I have nothing against it. The benefit of the diet itself far outweighs the cost and I think any women doing the drops can argue this fact. Another thing to point out is that people doing the injections in general lose the same amount of weight, so you really could make the case for real hcg being unnecessary if the drops are a placebo. It only means that all of us could do this diet on our own. In saying this, I would never want to diminish hope for someone who feels they need the drops and are succeeding. Because I have not done my own research I cannot and will not make a statement as to the validity of the hcg drops, but I can say the 500 calorie diet DOES work, and maybe that is where all the power lies. I have not been hungry, I have lost a lot of weight in 23 days, and if I have actually done it on my own that's great! It would only prove to me that I have superhuman willpower :). If someone is reading this trying to decide whether to do the drops here is my advice, if you have the money and it puts you at no hardship, and you think it may help get your mind in the game, purchase it. If not, try the diet without it. Either way, do not expect the diet to be easy, you will learn a lot about yourself either way, but the outcome, I promise, will ALWAYS be good. (Okay I am done with my rant :) )

Round 1 Phase 2 Day 24

Well, the on the first week of the diet, I decided to sort my jeans into sizes. There were the big (or stretched) 16's, regular 16's, then the larger fit 14's, then the smaller 14's, and then the 12's. I have never in my adult life been below a size 12. So I have been slowly working my way down the line. Big and regular 16s are too big, larger 14's are comfy, but as of 4 days ago, the small 14's were still too tight to wear...well, today I put on a small 14 and it fit! So I have to celebrate that. What a change in 3 days (Even though there wasn't a massive loss so far this week!). Just like I was saying to someone on facebook - we beat ourselves up so much, we never know when to give ourselves credit! BIG THING - CELEBRATE YOUR NUMBERS!!!! When I was heavy I was always jealous and in awe when I saw someone lose a lot of weight, well guess what, that is me now!!! So I was reading back over my posts and I realized I left out some tips from the first three weeks that have helped me so here you go:

• Drink water till your eyeballs float (I know I have said this, but its so important!
• Invest in smooth move tea it keeps everything moving a long if you know what I mean (and you can't say it doesn't help with the scale)
• The ACV cocktail, yes it tastes bad and it burns my throat, but I do think it helps
• For some, the detox bath helps, it can't hurt (well, it gives me headaches) but it really does help some others
• Black coffee with vanilla creme stevia and a sprinkle of cinnamon seriously reminds me of my favorite Pumpkin Spice Starbucks coffee. Its a good way to get some caffiene in the mix if you are a recovering addict :) )
• Two hours before bedtime and your done. I don't even drink any more water after that point because if I don't get rid of it during the night, it could show up on the scale the next morning.
• Make sure you are counting calories (including vegetables). I have to give a shout out to Phyllis from facebook on this one. Many of us, including me, were just eating by protocol, but not measuring the vegetables and fruits. Since protocol was sort of vague with "handfuls" and I have heard "2 cups" for the vegetables people are eating all sorts of amounts, but IT WILL AFFECT YOUR WEIGHT LOSS. WEIGH EVERYTHING. I use www.sparkpeople.com . It is free and you can easily search for what you ate, enter in an accurate amount (grams, oz, size of fruit, etc.) and it will spit out your calorie content.
• Give yourself and your body a break and don't exercise. I love to exercise, and I have tried it twice but my body said "hold up, you are asking a little too much, and this is where I draw the line". I am eager to get back to it when maintenance begins, but I think its just best not to do it.

Okay, so yesterday here is what I ate:

Lunch: 100 grams of chicken breast (poultry spices from HCG recipe book, grilled) and one orange (my cucumber at work was squishy and I wasn't going to make that mistake again)

Dinner: 100 gram Laura's Lean Beef premade burger patty (all natural only super lean beef) with the all purpose spices from reciped book and a grilled vidallia onion with 10 strawberries (sweetened with a packet of stevia

After Dinner: ACV Cocktail

Total Calories: 458 (I should have eaten another vegetable at lunch, but didn't have one)

Results: Weight Lost Today: -0.4 lbs (is always lower the day after I lose more than a lb)

Total Weight Loss To Date: 19 lbs (7.4 to go by next Friday to meet goal)

Total Weight Now: 172.4 (Oh and I am 5'5")

Round 1 Phase 2 Day 23

Okay, so I think I have back tracked enough to get me to today. So I ended my last week with a three day stall. No fun at all. Its funny though, if I don't get a hold of myself when I don't lose a pound a day, I lose perspective so easily. I mean 17.6 so far is awesome. But as most of us on the diet know, we were lead to believe a pound a day and thats what we expect. I think it was hardest for me because I have struggled, and have not cheated even a teensy tiny bit and still nothing in three days. So yesterday, I posted some questions about a mini steak day I had been hearing about, and one of the girls said that it helped her. So, yesterday I drank my usual coffee, drank about 80 oz. of water, had a 100gram steak and a large apple at around 6:00pm and then did a detox bath. The detox bath is always ruff for me, and it hasn't really helped in the past, but I did it anyway just to say I had done everything I could. I also drank an ACV cocktail. Its not a cocktail like you think (don't I wish). I made mine with 2 tablespoons of Apple Cider Vinegar, 1/2 cup of water, a squeeze or two of lemon juice and a packet of stevia. As is I wasn't already having a tuff time getting it down (its burns my throat) my hubby lets me know that it smells like stinky feet. So great...now thats all I can think about. SOOOOO with all of that yesterday...drum roll please.... I lost another 1.4 lbs! Yaaaaaaay! So hopefully that kicked started something, although my TOM should really be here by now and I feel as though it is looming in the distance. So total to date now: 18.6 lbs lost!

Sarah's Weight Graph

Thought this may help serve as a visual to keep me going. Its nice to see it dropping and my first round goal is in site. For any of those doing the diet its a great motivator and easy to do on Excel. I have a ritual of putting my weight in every morning. Its the simple things that make me happy :)

My Third Week on the HCG Diet

Well, I was on cloud nine, taking out all my "skinny pants" and trying them on, being ever so close to fitting in them when I ran into my hardest week yet. The monotony of the diet was getting to me, and I almost got the point where I didn't care if I ate or not. The hubby helped my out on Sunday night and we spiced up some chicken and beek for the week and he grilled it for me so I would be good to go for the week. This helped a lot. I just separated each piece in their own container and grabbed one each morning before I left for work. There was no more yucky organic canned chicken and I was glad for that. I felt good. At some points I felt like I had enough energy to run the Boston Marathon and at other I felt like I couldn't lift my foot another inch. Here is where the support from my family played a big role. So proud, and understanding. They were in awe at my willpower. By now we had been to the lake twice and was heading up there for a long weekend. I hated, absolutely HATED not being able to drink and eat with them. Every where I turned was a beer, a glass of wine, oreos, doritos, you name it. But I got a lot of encouragement from them also, and it made me feel like I could do this even in those hard moments. My headaches were finally starting to subside, and I began counting the days where I could add a piece of cheese in the mix. Memorial Day was especially hard we arrived at a family members house greeted with home boiled peanuts and I watched as my family hovered around them like buzzards. I sat just outside of smelling distance and ate my orange. I got a sorrowful guilty look from a few of them as if to apologize, and I thought to myself its no ones fault but mine. Nothing taste's as good as skinny feels right? Well after the fish fry and hush puppies and cole slaw and strawberry shortcake, and brownies, and bananna pudding were all devoured, I sat feeling empty forcing myself to live in the moment and really focus on what mattered about that day - Time with the family...and that I was acutally very full and very blessed. I think I surprised even myself up to this point that I didn't cheat at all. Not even one M&M or sip of wine, nothing. Protocol all the way. I was feeling very proud until I weighed the next day with no loss. NO LOSS IN THREE DAYS TO BE EXACT. The hardest weekend on the past six months and I was an angel and no loss. I was beyond down. I had to look back over the week and any mistake I could have made. Here is what I learned:

• I had been eating out once a week with my family (Sunday after church tradition) ordering a plain grilled chicken breast, no oil or seasoning with sliced tomato. I did have a slow loss before but this particular week I ordered an outback sirloin. It tasted so good it had to have junk in it I wasn't supposed to have. But I ate 3.5 oz the first night and had the leftovers the next day. I think that played a major role in no loss. I should have known better.
• My TOM (see legend page below) was usually over thirty days so I was expecting it to be late, but 41 days and still nothing. I thought maybe that could be a contributing factor for the no loss
• When you have a stall you have to look back, realize your body is totally wondering what the heck is going on and trying to catch up, and most importantly CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES, and realize that you are succeeding, these are just road bumps.

Here are my results:

PH2D16 -0.8
PH2D17 -0.4
PH2D18 -0.2
PH2D19 -1.6
PH2D20 -0
PH2D21 -0
PH2D22 -0

TOTAL LOSS FOR WEEK: -3 lbs TOTAL TO DATE LOSS -17.2 lbs AVG: -0.81 per day

My Second Week on The HCG Diet

I was still reeling from the excitement of my first week. I had great results, my pants actually fit now (since I refused to buy a size larger, I'd rather be miserable than admit I need bigger pants :) 8.2 pounds in one week! Thats not even counting the three that I gained on the loading days (which I didn't think should count anyway). I was still struggling with feeling sorry for myself because my main focus (food) was not in existence, but I found ways to busy myself. I realized that I had even let my focus on food take away from time with my husband focusing on him and only him. Sad realization, but true... Who knew I would have growing pains from losing weight! Anyway, so hunger was never an issue this week, just craved good food. I realized that food commercials were of the devil and that was why America is obese and growing. I counted one night and over 80% were of sweet, delicious, steaming, creamy fattening food. I just close my eyes now. This week I discovered some of my mishaps, some things to do better, and just how strong I am. Here is a recap:

• Organic Chicken in a can is NASTY!
• Never eat a squishy cucumber no matter if its the only one in the refrigerator
• George Foreman is my new best friend
• Vidalia Onions are too. They are great sauted with steak!
• Tried to walk for twenty minutes twice and seemed to slow weight loss, not to mention feeling a little woosy.
• Decided to tell people around me what I was doing no matter how ridiculous they thought it was.
• The more water I drank, the more I lost
• Detox baths are not relaxing and haven't helped much
• I have the most supportive and wonderful husband a girl could ask for (he is afraid to eat in front of me, so he started eating his large meal at work) You gotta have someone in your corner to succeed, we can't do it all on our own.
• Still learning to realize what hunger is and more importantly what it is not. Cravings are bad at times, so I just look back at my weight chart and soldier on.
• Read www.yourhcg.com blogs on facebook. It was strengthen and encourage you
• Gave up the Melba Toasts (my little fake bread buddies, they were kinda hard anyway)
• Even though the drops were expensive (whether placebo or real) we are more than making up for it in our food savings (ie: half the grocery bill, not going out to eat)

Here is generally what I ate:

1. Lunch: Organic Chicken in a can (yucky!) made tolerable on spinach leaves with apple cider vinegar dressing from the recipe book for lunch, or chicken breast with spices from recipes and a sliced tomato with an apple or an orange
2. Dinner: Filet Mignon cut into strips with sliced vidalia onions and spices (Yummy!)
3. Lots and Lots of Water!

Here are my results:

PH2D9 -1.4
PH2D10 -0.4
PH2D11 -0.6
PH2D12 -1
PH2D13 -0.8
PH2D14 -0.6
PH2D15 -1.2

TOTAL LOSS FOR THE WEEK: -6 TOTAL TO DATE: -14.2 AVG: -1.01 per day

Weight loss was slowing which was expected, weird pattern formed of losing -2.4 lbs every three days. I became discouraged when I lost less than a pound since it was advertised as 1-2 lbs per day, but through facebook realized that the true average to rely on is .5-.8 lbs per day and thats IF you don't cheat. Still, you can't get those results anywhere else without keeling over, so I was pumped!

My First Week on the HCG Diet

Most bloggers do a day to day, but since I am playing catch up I will do my best to summarize my results by the week. The first week of my diet began by stocking up at the grocery store, only to realize later that I made some fatal mistakes, although I still lost a good bit of weight my first week. I work 50 hours a week, so I barely have the energy or time to cook, and I really didn't want to use the mind capacity to pre plan so I grabbed quick stuff that I didn't have to think about...I stocked up on prepackaged chicken breast (not realizing it has small amounts of starch in them) and some steaks with tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, apples and oranges. It was simple to follow the protocol. (See page below for the list of what I could eat) and it was easy to open up the packages of chicken and eat. Not the most tasty, but hey, I could do anything for 30 days right? I was a self proclaimed addict to diet cokes before the diet (about six a day) and knew I would have trouble with the lack of caffiene. So with taste buds screaming I went to black coffee with stevia in the morning to soothe my terrible headaches (which I had for about two weeks). I persevered realizing that this was a detoxing mechanism that was long overdue (chemical dependence sucks). So a couple of things I learned this first week:

• The diet was not going to be easy, breezy beautiful
• Bad headaches (for a good cause)
• Prepackaged chicken is a no no (always read the ingredients for starches and sugars, they are almost always there)
• Lipton Diet Green tea is delicious but not on protocol, just say no
• Order Stevia online stock up on flavors (french vanilla in coffee tastes really good, chocolate, etc)
• Weigh everything
• Biggest epiphany: I had no idea what real hunger felt like. Although I have never been famished on this diet, the first thing I learned is that my appetite is not my problem. Its all about cravings for the foods we have become accustomed to love. That is the most difficult thing to distinguish for me. Food was an emotional connection, a family thing we gather around, it determined what I did on the weekends, its what I looked forward to everyday. I lived to eat, and didn't eat to live. When I realized this I realized how hard this was going to be. I couldn't go out to eat with my husband, we couldnt enjoy a glass of wine or some beers by the pool. But what I realized was that I still could do those things, but my focus was wrong all along. It shouldn't have been on the food or drinks it should have been about living in the moment. This I realize is going to be tough lesson to learn, but it has opened my eyes alot.

So here was my daily routine:

1. Two cups of black coffee with stevia sweetner in the morning
2. About 64 oz. of water daily
3. Natural Lipton Green Tea brewed at home, or black tea sweetned with stevia
4. For lunch: 3.5oz of prepacked chicken with tomatoes or cucumbers and an orange and melba toast
5. For dinner: 3.5 oz of steak with asparagus, an apple or handful of strawberries, and melba toast

And here was my results:

PH2D1 191.4
PH2D2 0.2

PH2D3 1.8
PH2D4 -4.2

PH2D5 -3.2
PH2D6 -1.2

PH2D7 -0.8
PH2D8 -0.8

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: -8.2 AVERAGE: 1.17 lbs per day

Own Your Starting Number - Realize How Bad It Is So You Can Change It!

Why is it hard to tell the world how much we weigh? I think first of all, telling people makes it real, second of all, its embarrassing, and third of all you don't want to become your number. I argued with myself about this, believe me, I just now told my husband how much I weigh. We guard it like a secret lie, like people won't know we are overweight if we don't tell them...Hello, they have eyes they can see we are overweight! I have made excuses after excuses - some of which I have made with myself "I carry my weight well, if they knew my number they would automatically think I was a lazy whale..." "If I tell them, I might as well post it on my forehead because thats all they are going to think about", "If I gain or lose it will be scrutinized much more than it is now" "Its just a number" so on and so forth. Well I have decided...its my number and I need to own it. I am doing something about it so I shouldn't be too ashamed of it. Besides those who follow my post will want to know... So here it is in black and white, as plain as the nose on my face. When I started this diet I weighed 191.4 lbs... I am waiting for the world to end because I just said it...Nope it didn't... I am ashamed of it yes, but then again I own it! (Well owned it :) )

My First Two Days - Loading (Ugh)

So, before my bottle of HCG came in the mail, I did all the research I could. I read every post on the website, read what they call the "protocol" which is basically the rules of the game, and every recipe I could get my hands on. If I was going to lose at least 25 lbs (the goal I set for the month that I found befitting to don a swimsuit without sickening myself) I had to follow everything to a "t". I was ready to start as soon as they came in. The first two days on the diet sound the most ridiculous. Gorge yourself, was the instruction "eat to capacity" for two days. The more fat the better. I was thinking yes I could do this... and I did. Doughnuts, cake, pizza, pasta, beer, more pizza, wine, cookies, little debbies, my beloved Twinkies, doritos, anything I could get my hands on. And here is what surprised me on the second day - I didn't want any more. I wasn't hungry and was so eager to start the low calorie diet. But I just kept reading over and over again that the more you eat on those two days the better you will feel within a week of the vlcd (very low calorie diet). I gained three pounds those first two days and was becoming very very skeptical even though everyone said you lose that and more in the first week. And so my HCG journey began...

How I Got to Where I am

Okay so enough historical (and hysterical) data about how I got to where I am. So my size 16's were getting a little too tight, and I was fidgeting and adjusting to position the rolls when I decided I had to do something, and I needed to do something fast. It was the beginning of May and summer was basically here and I couldn't stand myself in sweatpants, much less in a (gasp) bathing suit... Knowing that we would be going to our annual beach trip in July that left me two months. Two months is not enough I remember panicking. Ok so lets go over the fastest way to lose the weight...stress, sadness was how I always lost weight before, but nope, didn't have that. What about just stopping eating? Nope tried that before and didn't make through lunch time without devouring any carbohydrate in my path...I was at a loss, and ticked off at myself. It wasn't six months ago that I had lost thirty pounds and felt great on the day of my wedding. Honestly being happy feels good on me, but didn't look good on me. I was talking to one of my coworkers when she mentioned a bunch of people that she knew were trying some kind of drops and the people were dropping weight left and right. She was telling me in a joking way like they were crazy, but I was ready for a gimmick, obviously I am a sucker for them, so I went on line and looked it up. It was called the HCG diet so I started doing some research...I was fine with the drops and all until I read about the diet. 500 calories a day. Wow, thats just insane how can anyone do that. But the facebook page for HCGdirect.com had over 50,000 fans, and every post I was reading losses equivalent to 1 pound a day. Jealous as I was I was still very skeptical. But I have tried dumber things, so I thought, and really I could commit to anything for 30 days if I saw results. I broke down and ordered 2 oz. of the stuff.

My Diet History

So my since my life has revolved around my weight, and big things are happening in my life now. (Just got married again, trying to start a family) It was really long overdue. It was time for me to do some soul searching and get rid of the cloud over my head that seemingly has followed every step I have made. I have tried every diet in the book from the livable to the outrageously ridiculous (listed in that order below). If there was an easy or fast way to do it, I was all over it...that is until I got tired of it or the results weren't fast enough, or that I lost enough for the cloud to be replaced by fog. I have always thought I was fat, even at times now when I look back and realize at eight years old I was normal... It is so exhausting to feel that way about myself, and I know a lot of women out there do on a daily basis. OH and I love when a skinny person says its so horrible why don't you just lose weight. After mentally kicking those people in the teeth, I realize they do have a point. I have gained and lost the same frickin' thirty pounds my whole adult life and its time. Going to the beach for fourth of July was just a big motivator.

1. Weight Watchers (the most livable and apart from slow results the best in my opinion)
2. Atkins (Worked quickly, but I am very grumpy without bread)
3. South Beach
4. Carbohydrate Addicts
5. Calorie Counting
6. Fat Gram Counting
7. Hydroxycut
8. Xenadrine
9. Metabolife
10. Body for Life
11. PHC
12. Biggest Loser
13. The Subway Diet
14. P90x
15. The Cabbage Diet (don't ask it was horrible, will never eat cabbage again)
16. The Banana Diet (even worse, took a while to re-establish my relationship with bananas)
17. Adipex
18. Self induced stress starvation
19. The AB belt that electrically stimulates your abs (so dumb)
20. The Gliders (you know where you put little booties on and slide back and forth, stopped that for safety reasons :)

Yeah, I am pretty sure that is not all of them, but its at least one a year for my entire adult life. Dumb I know... Looking at all of these makes me think of all the time I have lost bouncing back and forth and not tackling any underlying root problem. I have a hunch there are plenty of us like that. We have made some smart entrepreneurs pretty rich by not listening to ourselves. Well looking at all this what was the catalyst for success and failure. It's easy for me to see now...commitment and love of myself. I liked fast results that I didn't commit to in the end, and I didn't love myself enough to keep up with it.

First Blog Ever...

So here it goes...For those of you that know me you may not be surprised by my blog title (it had to happen sooner or later right?) What I really mean is losing weight and the issues that come with the "W" word to begin with, but at times in my life it was a just title for my mental state:) I have actually already started my journey, but better late than ever. My hope for this blog is to have a place to hold myself accountable, and along the way to possibly save a little of some one's sanity by learning from my mistakes. I am not so self righteous as to say that I have all the answers or any for that matter, but more so than ever its about being true. Looking reality in the eye and not ashamedly or lackadaisically moving through life. Your comments good and bad or welcome as long as they are honest...