My Third Week on the HCG Diet

Well, I was on cloud nine, taking out all my "skinny pants" and trying them on, being ever so close to fitting in them when I ran into my hardest week yet. The monotony of the diet was getting to me, and I almost got the point where I didn't care if I ate or not. The hubby helped my out on Sunday night and we spiced up some chicken and beek for the week and he grilled it for me so I would be good to go for the week. This helped a lot. I just separated each piece in their own container and grabbed one each morning before I left for work. There was no more yucky organic canned chicken and I was glad for that. I felt good. At some points I felt like I had enough energy to run the Boston Marathon and at other I felt like I couldn't lift my foot another inch. Here is where the support from my family played a big role. So proud, and understanding. They were in awe at my willpower. By now we had been to the lake twice and was heading up there for a long weekend. I hated, absolutely HATED not being able to drink and eat with them. Every where I turned was a beer, a glass of wine, oreos, doritos, you name it. But I got a lot of encouragement from them also, and it made me feel like I could do this even in those hard moments. My headaches were finally starting to subside, and I began counting the days where I could add a piece of cheese in the mix. Memorial Day was especially hard we arrived at a family members house greeted with home boiled peanuts and I watched as my family hovered around them like buzzards. I sat just outside of smelling distance and ate my orange. I got a sorrowful guilty look from a few of them as if to apologize, and I thought to myself its no ones fault but mine. Nothing taste's as good as skinny feels right? Well after the fish fry and hush puppies and cole slaw and strawberry shortcake, and brownies, and bananna pudding were all devoured, I sat feeling empty forcing myself to live in the moment and really focus on what mattered about that day - Time with the family...and that I was acutally very full and very blessed. I think I surprised even myself up to this point that I didn't cheat at all. Not even one M&M or sip of wine, nothing. Protocol all the way. I was feeling very proud until I weighed the next day with no loss. NO LOSS IN THREE DAYS TO BE EXACT. The hardest weekend on the past six months and I was an angel and no loss. I was beyond down. I had to look back over the week and any mistake I could have made. Here is what I learned:

• I had been eating out once a week with my family (Sunday after church tradition) ordering a plain grilled chicken breast, no oil or seasoning with sliced tomato. I did have a slow loss before but this particular week I ordered an outback sirloin. It tasted so good it had to have junk in it I wasn't supposed to have. But I ate 3.5 oz the first night and had the leftovers the next day. I think that played a major role in no loss. I should have known better.
• My TOM (see legend page below) was usually over thirty days so I was expecting it to be late, but 41 days and still nothing. I thought maybe that could be a contributing factor for the no loss
• When you have a stall you have to look back, realize your body is totally wondering what the heck is going on and trying to catch up, and most importantly CELEBRATE YOUR VICTORIES, and realize that you are succeeding, these are just road bumps.

Here are my results:

PH2D16 -0.8
PH2D17 -0.4
PH2D18 -0.2
PH2D19 -1.6
PH2D20 -0
PH2D21 -0
PH2D22 -0

TOTAL LOSS FOR WEEK: -3 lbs TOTAL TO DATE LOSS -17.2 lbs AVG: -0.81 per day

My Second Week on The HCG Diet

I was still reeling from the excitement of my first week. I had great results, my pants actually fit now (since I refused to buy a size larger, I'd rather be miserable than admit I need bigger pants :) 8.2 pounds in one week! Thats not even counting the three that I gained on the loading days (which I didn't think should count anyway). I was still struggling with feeling sorry for myself because my main focus (food) was not in existence, but I found ways to busy myself. I realized that I had even let my focus on food take away from time with my husband focusing on him and only him. Sad realization, but true... Who knew I would have growing pains from losing weight! Anyway, so hunger was never an issue this week, just craved good food. I realized that food commercials were of the devil and that was why America is obese and growing. I counted one night and over 80% were of sweet, delicious, steaming, creamy fattening food. I just close my eyes now. This week I discovered some of my mishaps, some things to do better, and just how strong I am. Here is a recap:

• Organic Chicken in a can is NASTY!
• Never eat a squishy cucumber no matter if its the only one in the refrigerator
• George Foreman is my new best friend
• Vidalia Onions are too. They are great sauted with steak!
• Tried to walk for twenty minutes twice and seemed to slow weight loss, not to mention feeling a little woosy.
• Decided to tell people around me what I was doing no matter how ridiculous they thought it was.
• The more water I drank, the more I lost
• Detox baths are not relaxing and haven't helped much
• I have the most supportive and wonderful husband a girl could ask for (he is afraid to eat in front of me, so he started eating his large meal at work) You gotta have someone in your corner to succeed, we can't do it all on our own.
• Still learning to realize what hunger is and more importantly what it is not. Cravings are bad at times, so I just look back at my weight chart and soldier on.
• Read www.yourhcg.com blogs on facebook. It was strengthen and encourage you
• Gave up the Melba Toasts (my little fake bread buddies, they were kinda hard anyway)
• Even though the drops were expensive (whether placebo or real) we are more than making up for it in our food savings (ie: half the grocery bill, not going out to eat)

Here is generally what I ate:

1. Lunch: Organic Chicken in a can (yucky!) made tolerable on spinach leaves with apple cider vinegar dressing from the recipe book for lunch, or chicken breast with spices from recipes and a sliced tomato with an apple or an orange
2. Dinner: Filet Mignon cut into strips with sliced vidalia onions and spices (Yummy!)
3. Lots and Lots of Water!

Here are my results:

PH2D9 -1.4
PH2D10 -0.4
PH2D11 -0.6
PH2D12 -1
PH2D13 -0.8
PH2D14 -0.6
PH2D15 -1.2

TOTAL LOSS FOR THE WEEK: -6 TOTAL TO DATE: -14.2 AVG: -1.01 per day

Weight loss was slowing which was expected, weird pattern formed of losing -2.4 lbs every three days. I became discouraged when I lost less than a pound since it was advertised as 1-2 lbs per day, but through facebook realized that the true average to rely on is .5-.8 lbs per day and thats IF you don't cheat. Still, you can't get those results anywhere else without keeling over, so I was pumped!

My First Week on the HCG Diet

Most bloggers do a day to day, but since I am playing catch up I will do my best to summarize my results by the week. The first week of my diet began by stocking up at the grocery store, only to realize later that I made some fatal mistakes, although I still lost a good bit of weight my first week. I work 50 hours a week, so I barely have the energy or time to cook, and I really didn't want to use the mind capacity to pre plan so I grabbed quick stuff that I didn't have to think about...I stocked up on prepackaged chicken breast (not realizing it has small amounts of starch in them) and some steaks with tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, apples and oranges. It was simple to follow the protocol. (See page below for the list of what I could eat) and it was easy to open up the packages of chicken and eat. Not the most tasty, but hey, I could do anything for 30 days right? I was a self proclaimed addict to diet cokes before the diet (about six a day) and knew I would have trouble with the lack of caffiene. So with taste buds screaming I went to black coffee with stevia in the morning to soothe my terrible headaches (which I had for about two weeks). I persevered realizing that this was a detoxing mechanism that was long overdue (chemical dependence sucks). So a couple of things I learned this first week:

• The diet was not going to be easy, breezy beautiful
• Bad headaches (for a good cause)
• Prepackaged chicken is a no no (always read the ingredients for starches and sugars, they are almost always there)
• Lipton Diet Green tea is delicious but not on protocol, just say no
• Order Stevia online stock up on flavors (french vanilla in coffee tastes really good, chocolate, etc)
• Weigh everything
• Biggest epiphany: I had no idea what real hunger felt like. Although I have never been famished on this diet, the first thing I learned is that my appetite is not my problem. Its all about cravings for the foods we have become accustomed to love. That is the most difficult thing to distinguish for me. Food was an emotional connection, a family thing we gather around, it determined what I did on the weekends, its what I looked forward to everyday. I lived to eat, and didn't eat to live. When I realized this I realized how hard this was going to be. I couldn't go out to eat with my husband, we couldnt enjoy a glass of wine or some beers by the pool. But what I realized was that I still could do those things, but my focus was wrong all along. It shouldn't have been on the food or drinks it should have been about living in the moment. This I realize is going to be tough lesson to learn, but it has opened my eyes alot.

So here was my daily routine:

1. Two cups of black coffee with stevia sweetner in the morning
2. About 64 oz. of water daily
3. Natural Lipton Green Tea brewed at home, or black tea sweetned with stevia
4. For lunch: 3.5oz of prepacked chicken with tomatoes or cucumbers and an orange and melba toast
5. For dinner: 3.5 oz of steak with asparagus, an apple or handful of strawberries, and melba toast

And here was my results:

PH2D1 191.4
PH2D2 0.2

PH2D3 1.8
PH2D4 -4.2

PH2D5 -3.2
PH2D6 -1.2

PH2D7 -0.8
PH2D8 -0.8

TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS: -8.2 AVERAGE: 1.17 lbs per day

Own Your Starting Number - Realize How Bad It Is So You Can Change It!

Why is it hard to tell the world how much we weigh? I think first of all, telling people makes it real, second of all, its embarrassing, and third of all you don't want to become your number. I argued with myself about this, believe me, I just now told my husband how much I weigh. We guard it like a secret lie, like people won't know we are overweight if we don't tell them...Hello, they have eyes they can see we are overweight! I have made excuses after excuses - some of which I have made with myself "I carry my weight well, if they knew my number they would automatically think I was a lazy whale..." "If I tell them, I might as well post it on my forehead because thats all they are going to think about", "If I gain or lose it will be scrutinized much more than it is now" "Its just a number" so on and so forth. Well I have decided...its my number and I need to own it. I am doing something about it so I shouldn't be too ashamed of it. Besides those who follow my post will want to know... So here it is in black and white, as plain as the nose on my face. When I started this diet I weighed 191.4 lbs... I am waiting for the world to end because I just said it...Nope it didn't... I am ashamed of it yes, but then again I own it! (Well owned it :) )

My First Two Days - Loading (Ugh)

So, before my bottle of HCG came in the mail, I did all the research I could. I read every post on the website, read what they call the "protocol" which is basically the rules of the game, and every recipe I could get my hands on. If I was going to lose at least 25 lbs (the goal I set for the month that I found befitting to don a swimsuit without sickening myself) I had to follow everything to a "t". I was ready to start as soon as they came in. The first two days on the diet sound the most ridiculous. Gorge yourself, was the instruction "eat to capacity" for two days. The more fat the better. I was thinking yes I could do this... and I did. Doughnuts, cake, pizza, pasta, beer, more pizza, wine, cookies, little debbies, my beloved Twinkies, doritos, anything I could get my hands on. And here is what surprised me on the second day - I didn't want any more. I wasn't hungry and was so eager to start the low calorie diet. But I just kept reading over and over again that the more you eat on those two days the better you will feel within a week of the vlcd (very low calorie diet). I gained three pounds those first two days and was becoming very very skeptical even though everyone said you lose that and more in the first week. And so my HCG journey began...

How I Got to Where I am

Okay so enough historical (and hysterical) data about how I got to where I am. So my size 16's were getting a little too tight, and I was fidgeting and adjusting to position the rolls when I decided I had to do something, and I needed to do something fast. It was the beginning of May and summer was basically here and I couldn't stand myself in sweatpants, much less in a (gasp) bathing suit... Knowing that we would be going to our annual beach trip in July that left me two months. Two months is not enough I remember panicking. Ok so lets go over the fastest way to lose the weight...stress, sadness was how I always lost weight before, but nope, didn't have that. What about just stopping eating? Nope tried that before and didn't make through lunch time without devouring any carbohydrate in my path...I was at a loss, and ticked off at myself. It wasn't six months ago that I had lost thirty pounds and felt great on the day of my wedding. Honestly being happy feels good on me, but didn't look good on me. I was talking to one of my coworkers when she mentioned a bunch of people that she knew were trying some kind of drops and the people were dropping weight left and right. She was telling me in a joking way like they were crazy, but I was ready for a gimmick, obviously I am a sucker for them, so I went on line and looked it up. It was called the HCG diet so I started doing some research...I was fine with the drops and all until I read about the diet. 500 calories a day. Wow, thats just insane how can anyone do that. But the facebook page for HCGdirect.com had over 50,000 fans, and every post I was reading losses equivalent to 1 pound a day. Jealous as I was I was still very skeptical. But I have tried dumber things, so I thought, and really I could commit to anything for 30 days if I saw results. I broke down and ordered 2 oz. of the stuff.

My Diet History

So my since my life has revolved around my weight, and big things are happening in my life now. (Just got married again, trying to start a family) It was really long overdue. It was time for me to do some soul searching and get rid of the cloud over my head that seemingly has followed every step I have made. I have tried every diet in the book from the livable to the outrageously ridiculous (listed in that order below). If there was an easy or fast way to do it, I was all over it...that is until I got tired of it or the results weren't fast enough, or that I lost enough for the cloud to be replaced by fog. I have always thought I was fat, even at times now when I look back and realize at eight years old I was normal... It is so exhausting to feel that way about myself, and I know a lot of women out there do on a daily basis. OH and I love when a skinny person says its so horrible why don't you just lose weight. After mentally kicking those people in the teeth, I realize they do have a point. I have gained and lost the same frickin' thirty pounds my whole adult life and its time. Going to the beach for fourth of July was just a big motivator.

1. Weight Watchers (the most livable and apart from slow results the best in my opinion)
2. Atkins (Worked quickly, but I am very grumpy without bread)
3. South Beach
4. Carbohydrate Addicts
5. Calorie Counting
6. Fat Gram Counting
7. Hydroxycut
8. Xenadrine
9. Metabolife
10. Body for Life
11. PHC
12. Biggest Loser
13. The Subway Diet
14. P90x
15. The Cabbage Diet (don't ask it was horrible, will never eat cabbage again)
16. The Banana Diet (even worse, took a while to re-establish my relationship with bananas)
17. Adipex
18. Self induced stress starvation
19. The AB belt that electrically stimulates your abs (so dumb)
20. The Gliders (you know where you put little booties on and slide back and forth, stopped that for safety reasons :)

Yeah, I am pretty sure that is not all of them, but its at least one a year for my entire adult life. Dumb I know... Looking at all of these makes me think of all the time I have lost bouncing back and forth and not tackling any underlying root problem. I have a hunch there are plenty of us like that. We have made some smart entrepreneurs pretty rich by not listening to ourselves. Well looking at all this what was the catalyst for success and failure. It's easy for me to see now...commitment and love of myself. I liked fast results that I didn't commit to in the end, and I didn't love myself enough to keep up with it.

First Blog Ever...

So here it goes...For those of you that know me you may not be surprised by my blog title (it had to happen sooner or later right?) What I really mean is losing weight and the issues that come with the "W" word to begin with, but at times in my life it was a just title for my mental state:) I have actually already started my journey, but better late than ever. My hope for this blog is to have a place to hold myself accountable, and along the way to possibly save a little of some one's sanity by learning from my mistakes. I am not so self righteous as to say that I have all the answers or any for that matter, but more so than ever its about being true. Looking reality in the eye and not ashamedly or lackadaisically moving through life. Your comments good and bad or welcome as long as they are honest...