Stitch Fix 5 & 6 and a crappy 7

Hi there!  So it's been a couple months, but I tried to keep up with taking pics of my stitch fixes.  I think it really has helped me gain an understanding of my personal style and has made it easier on the stylist to see what I really thought of each piece.  So here is a quick run down of #5 and #6

So with this fix, I was pretty happy except for the fact that the necklace they sent me was broken.  I am normally not a statement necklace type of girl, but I was really liking everything in the fix and would have purchased the whole thing had it not been for that.  Hence the pouty face...  I so wish I would have kept the polka dot shirt, but I wanted a slightly smaller size so the boobages didn't pop out when I held my kids.  I thought a smaller size was on the way but missed an email I had to respond to and they canceled the replacement.  :(  I did, however, keep this really cool retro, "mad men" type skirt and I really liked the sweater with the mesh top for going out.  It was a great mix of sexy but covered up and I have worn it several times since.  Stylists if you are reading this and the polka dot shirt is still available please send it to me in a medium.  PLEASE!  This fix, although I only kept two pieces was probably my best yet.  It suited my style, which I am discovering is a little mix of modest flirty/feminine and classic with retro thrown in here and there. 

Fix #6 was nearly a bust....

I appreciated the orange sweater, since I did say during football season I must wear my Clemson orange, even though the color looks atrocious on me, but I was a little disappointed that I had requested them not to send me bulky cable knits, as I didn't need any help in the added bulk department.  It also felt kinda grannyish so that one went back.  The pink top in the upper right, I should have kept.  It had a cool neckline and feminine lacy details on the sleeves.  I think maybe around the chest was a little too snug.  The black sleeveless top made me feel kinda boxy and I don't care for crew neckline.  The back had a polka dot detail, but I just didn't love it.  I did, however, love the earrings.  They came as a set and I thought fit my requirements of being dainty and something I could wear and leave in for days if I forgot to change them.  I also kept the black skinny jeans in the top middle picture.  These came in the nick of time for I had started to wear lined leggings to work which started the whole "are leggings pants?" argument with my coworkers.  My argument was that mine were lined and not see through, there were no underwear lines, and I always wore a shirt that covered my butt.  I was finally defeated on the point when I found this helpful flow chart. 

I couldn't argue the point any longer, so I just started to wear skinny jeans instead....

Fix #7 was the worst I have ever had.  Granted, I still love my Stitchfix, and it IS fun even when the whole lot is terrible, but this one was REALLY terrible.  I sent the whole thing back.  I so wish I would have taken pictures, but I didn't get a chance to, and I just couldn't look at the heap of clothes in the box anymore, knowing that I wasn't going to keep any of them.  Two pieces were bulky sweaters with HOODS.  HOODS!  One was even multicolored.  It reminded me of those rug-like sweaters that guys who listened to Dave Matthews wore in high school.  They were really terrible.  I even went back to look at my Pinterest pics to see if I pinned anything that would have given the stylist the idea that I had Birkenstocks, dread-locks and burned patchouli incense...but I didn't see anything that would have hinted that I had a smidge of hippie in me.  There was a cute red scarf with hearts for Valentine's day, but I was burnt out on the other things.  The worst was a white cardigan that was short in the back and had black and white striped sleeves.  It totally reminded me of Beetlejuice.  UPDATE:  I found a picture I happened to snap of the Beetlejuice cardigan.  The earrings were just an unfortunate coincidence. The smile is a sarcastic one...

And I have decided that cardigans that are short in the back are not for me.  If I am cold enough to wear a cardigan, it better camouflage my extra padding in the back or its just not worth it.

I hate to leave it on a negative note, because I am still looking forward to, and enjoying my fixes.  And lets be real, no stylist is ever gonna get it right every single time, and that is okay...my wallet and budget thank them when they get it wrong.  I still learn new things each fix.  So the next fix, I specifically asked for blouses to wear to work.  No more skinny jeans/skirts/bulky sweaters/scarves/or short-in-the-back cardigans.  Just blouses - feminine/flirty but covered.  I work in Construction and wear jeans everyday so some regular boot cut (not skinny) jeans would be nice, or maybe some more dangly/dainty earrings.  Can't wait to see what my next fix will be!  If you are interested in trying Stitchfix I totally recommend it.  If you go here and sign up I get a discount on my next one.  So help a sista out!

In case you peruse my blog to read about things I really need to writing about (IVF decisions/kids/self esteem), I promise I will get back to it.  In fact, I have started a post five times about our IVF, but I burst into tears in the middle of writing it.  So instead, I post about superficial things until I'm ready to talk about the things that REALLY matter.  I'll get there sooner or later.  Baby steps....

Happy Halloween!

Halloween has to be one of my most favoritest holidays of the year (I know that's not a real word but I like it).  Some people can argue that a Christian shouldn't say that, but in my personal opinion those people are dumb.  I love Halloween.  Not because I worship the devil, but because it is so FUN.  I love the weather, I love the scary old movies on TCM, I love to dress up, I love to decorate my house in gawdy stuff, and its the one day a year I don't have an irrational fear of people in costumes.  I was totally that kid that had to be sat down by her parents and told that I was too old to go trick or treating.  I remember I was already dressed up like a "dancer" in a leotard and tutu and had already painted my face. 
I remember being devastated, probably more so than realizing Santa Claus wasn't real (sorry for all those that still believed).  Granted, I was well into my teenage years so it needed to be done.  But now, I am so excited that I have children so I have the excuse to go again!  I mean I'm excited for them and all that crap, but I can't wait.  I decided not to dress up this year...I mean, I guess I won't steal Ellie's first Halloween thunder...but give it a couple years and I will be the weird parent out of the group that wears a costume just to stand on the sidewalk and watch their kids trick or treat.


Some of my best childhood memories are at Halloween.  I think because it was a day that people, even serious people, could be silly.  I'm embarrassed to say what I was my first Halloween...not that I could control any of it at two years old, but my parents (in all of their non political correctness) dressed me as buckwheat from little rascals...  I know what you are thinking...and I can't believe I am admitting it now, especially after all the flack Julianne Hough got for dressing up in "black face" last Halloween.  The guilt has followed me around my whole life.  My parents meant no offense, I think at the time they thought it was hilarious to see the whitest baby, with the whitest blond hair dressed as a popular black character.  I see how offensive that could be, although I saw the movie "White Chicks" and was not offended and thought was hilarious.  Anyway, needless to say, everyone I saw that Halloween thought it was funny and I thought I was just really popular because I was dressed as a witch.  I'll have to upload a picture later, but honestly, thinking of me as a baby, dressed up as this...you gotta chuckle a little.

And now you know one of my deepest, darkest secrets....




One year for Halloween, my Dad dressed up like the Noid from the old Domino's Pizza commercials.  Any of you that know my Dad knows that he has no business being in a full body leotard.  But he was so hilarious I still laugh about it to this day.





Now that I have children it really has become funner.  (not proper but I like it - lets just call them Sarisms).  This is the past two Halloween's with our son:

It's not Halloween without a random assortment of bloody eyeballs

Ellie bug will make her Halloween debut as a Strawberry.  I can't wait.  Here are some pictures from Halloween's past.  You will see just one of the many reasons why my husband and I are made for each other.  He would be so mad if he knew I posted these (snicker).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I once made a Halloween gingerbread house...and this is before we had kids...

Gosh I love this man....takes a special something to pull off Officer Dangle...

Stitch Fix #3 & 4

Stitch Fix #3 was a bust except for one item.  I should have taken pictures but I didn't.  Really because one of the shirts was the most hideous shirt I had ever seen on the face of a planet.  Mom kept one of the shirts, and I kept this lovely orange and white skirt.  The rest went back.

After that fix, I was starting to fear that the stylists were thinking that I was a 60 year old spinster.  Granted I talked a lot about covering up, that I didn't want to flaunt anything, and that I was losing weight and was self conscious about my post baby belly that will never ever go away.  Let's face it, if its not going away after losing 65 lbs, it ain't goin' no where.  I am learning to accept that, but that doesn't mean I need to shove it in other people's faces.  So with my last fix I emphasized that I was starting to feel a little more confident but there are just pieces that don't work for me.  We have already visited the fact that if it has some sort of elastic or drawstring at the waist I don't know what to do with it - so those are really out.  I do, however, realize that I look much better in things that fit rather than concealing my entire body in potato sack like garments.  The fat girl in me is still afraid to change my size to the smallest size I have ever been on my profile, because I don't want them to send that size and then not be able to get them on.  I'm so weird.  So with this fix, I asked them to send more fitted pieces or cardigans because it makes no difference what the temp is outside, inside my office is always a very cold 68 degrees.  So even if I have cute outfits, they end up being covered up by the same old sweater or jacket everyday.

Can I please preface my sad photography attempts with the warning that I took them after a long day of working with bronchitis.  Usually, I like to fix myself up to the best possible so that I don't discriminate against an outfit merely because the rest of me looks like total crap.  But, lets be honest, I probably do have bags under my blood shot eyes and crazy hair 90% of the time, so maybe its an honest portrait.

 

 I shall lovingly refer to this dress as my June Cleaver dress.  I wish I would have photographed it a little better, because I really liked it.  You can't see in the photos but its a wrap dress that allows you to sort of cinch in at the waist but the A line goes away from the belly.  I thought it flattered my figure and would be a nice dress for church.  Thanks for listening Gemma the stylist!

I wanted to like this blouse here, but I just couldn't get over the dreaded waist elastic thingy.  You can't really see it all that well in the pictures but it has it, and again, I don't know what to do with it.  Also, I don't really do the capped sleeve sort of look.  This shirt was sheer over a black cami.  I liked parts of it, but over all I think its a no.

You guys...this might not be the prettiest cardigan ever, but it is the most comfy.  It is like this faux suede and I wanted to sleep in it when I first tried it on.  Its a little bulky and I'm not thrilled that the back is so much shorter than the front since I like to cover up my hiney, but it will be great on frosty mornings or regular days in my frigid office.  Already took the tags off and wore it the first day.
The black skinny jeans in this pic were also sent with this fix.  I think I have enough skinny girls for one big girl, so I don't think I need another pair.  There was nothing wrong with these except they may have been a little too big and gave me saggy butt.  They are going back.

This is another cardigan that I liked.  Pretty standard really, but I did like the ruffles in the back.  And there is that dadgum tongue again!  I definitely have a problem.  Keeping this one too.

So I am concerned about this sticking my tongue out all of the time business.  I thought it was just something I did occasionally that my dear loving husband loved to make fun of me for.  I probably took 20 photos and when I went to weed out the bad photos, I counted at least 8 where my tongue is sticking out.  And I even remember telling myself to keep my tongue in before I started taking the pictures!  Nothing says I am struggling like a tongue wagging in the wind...  So I decided to google it...apparently its an actual syndrome!!!!!!!!  "Lingual protrusion syndrome is a diagnosis neurologists dread giving to patients. Otherwise known as Michael Jordan syndrome, LIPS sufferers may be the subject of ridicule and social ostracism due to the involuntary sticking out of their tongues when concentrating. ..This is simply a reflection of the nervous system's immaturity and often, although not always, goes away by the time the adult brain is fully developed."  Definitely nailed that one!  This is one of those times I am glad my husband does not read my blog, he would be rolling on floor laughing right now.  Well babe, eat your heart out:

Read more here: http://www.islandpacket.com/2014/08/11/3252707/professional-opinion-why-do-people.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.islandpacket.com/2014/08/11/3252707/professional-opinion-why-do-people.html#storylink=cpy

Stitch Fix #2

Sorry these are late, but the kids and life in general takes precedence...

I have now received four Stitch Fixes and I am still in love.  I am over the initial falling in love stage and we now have a full blown relationship :).  Since my first stitch fix, I have tried to physically shop for clothes on about three separate occasions.  On one occasion I found myself back in Old Navy rushing in and out, grabbing random things to try on before I had to rush off to pick the kids up.  The other time Don and I attempted to take the kids to the mall, which I should have just chocked up to a "non shopping trip" but the desire to see what size I could fit in overtook me and twenty minutes later Don is in the middle of Express with one of those gigantic rent a stroller things that look like cars and I'm trying to throw on things in between trying to keep Isaac from crawling under the dressing room partitions into other occupied rooms or opening the door at the moment that I am in my underwear.  Bad idea.  These shopping trips only reinforced my love for Stitch Fix.  If those shopping trips were other dates, all they did was solidify that Stitch Fix is the relationship I choose for now.

So this was my second stitch fix.  I had heard through the grapevine not to get too excited about stitch fix because the first one was always really good and then the next were crappy.  Not the case for me.  I really spent some time building my Pinterest Stitch fix inspiration board and I felt like the picks were definitely trying to suit those things.

1. This shirt is hideous and looked terrible on me, I'm not gonna lie.  I know where they were going with it - I spent a lot of time talking about how I just had a baby and I didn't want to accentuate the post baby bump.  So I understand the cut of this shirt.  But it looked like a doily, and did nothing for me.  So that was a no.
   
2.  This dress I wavered on.  I loved the colors and I thought it could be a good Sunday church dress.  But I gotta say, I don't know if I am short waisted, or no waisted but things that scrunch or tie in the middle like that baffle me.  I don't know where to put it.  Do I pull it down or fluff it up?  If I fluff it up my post baby belly bump flops out underneath it, if I pull it down its too wide.  I don't know, I just don't do well with those things and in the end I decided this was just not flattering on me, so it went back too.
   
3.  Let me say, I LOVED this shirt.  It was totally me and I thought it looked nice in the pictures.  Sadly, very very sadly, I couldn't move my arms at all.  I couldn't quite figure out where it was so tight, I guess right up under my arms, but either way I was totally Chris Farley's "Fat girl in a little coat" when I tried to move them at all.  Sniff, sniff...
   
4. These red pants were my favorite by far.  I think the stylist probably got the hint after I posted about a gazillion pictures of red pants.  Again I had the initial fear of the skinny jeans, and you must take note that I didn't take a rear view picture, but I did love these.  I realize that neither shirt in these pictures are really flattering but I was in a hurry.  So I definitely kept these and have been happy ever since.  BTW, I would have NEVER had the courage to pick these up in a store and try them on.  So weird how this little process is working on me.

5.  So I just lied about the rear view shot with the red pants, but I wanted to show the pretty part of this blazer and why I ultimately decided to keep it.  I do realize that the blazer should not be worn with the red pants (see rear view picture), but I did like it.  I was on the fence because the front (which is hard to see in my less than stellar photography) of the blazer was really worn and distressed looking and parts of it looked like a 20 year old dish towel.  I couldn't decide if I liked the dish towel look, but I loved the feminine ruffles in the back and thought it balanced it out.  I know you like my fashion forward descriptions right?  Just goes to show I have no clue what I am talking about.  Anywho, I kept this one too.

(You should have seen all of the pictures I had to delete with my tongue inadvertently sticking out.  I really need to work on that because I think it makes me look special)


If by chance you are gonna try Stitch Fix yourself, how about helping a girl out and using my reference here:  https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/3970713  so I can get a discount.    My husband will thank you :)

My red pants make a debut on our 5th anniversary:

Pinterest Project #6 of infinity

So, I, like most of the known pinterest world, tend to pin things randomly and with really no intention or energy to follow through with doing any of them.  Sometimes, this gives me minor guilt, you know, that there are fabulous people out there with the will to try to do new creative things.  Me?  I don't have the time, and in the recently learned words of my 2.5 yr old - "am over it".  Out of a bagillion pins, I have, in fact, taken it upon myself to try a few of them in momentary spurts of creativity.  Here are some of the ones I have actually done. Note:  All of these were performed pre two children.

The shutter porch table

Front Porch Swing

Eliza's Nursery

Eliza's Glider Redo

Pom Pom Curtains for Ellie Bug's Nursery

 I, for one, think my copies have been pretty dog gone spectacular...especially for a construction / non girly girl that doesn't know how to sew or draw block letters.  It is funny to think back on now, but I was once, at the very beginning of my college career, a Secondary Education English major.  I knew very quickly that since I could not draw block letters that I would be completely useless as a teacher.  I was right.  I do feel like I have always had a good eye for design in construction and especially around the home.  If I had the money and/or the time, I am sure my house would look much more super cool that it does, but alas, I do not.  For this reason we have several really cool things in our house that are overcome by the cool things that are just stacked together because I haven't done anything with them, therefore making my home look mostly like a hot mess of cool areas and areas of "what the crap is that".  This latest pinterest inspiration was a must for me, and I was really kinda peeved that the concept hasn't been mass marketed yet so I could just pay for one on Zulily.  I am not a super Mom by any means so don't let the fact that I actually made something fool you - it was only performed out of necessity.

There is no other element in my home that can shove the fact that I am getting older in my face than my hardwood floors. I had no idea how old my body was getting until Isaac and I made a pallet on the floor one day and after laying for thirty minutes, I tried to get up and threw my back out.  Yikes...there is never a more "old" feeling than doing something that should be really easy and throwing out a major necessary component of your body.  I also have hurt my knee trying to show Isaac to crawl.  I knew if I was going to get in the floor at all, I was going to have to succumb to buying one of those ugly brightly colored foam play mats.  I abhor those mats.  Okay, well, I have strong negative feelings towards those mats.  I remember babysitting for a family that lived down the street that had those things.  The kids were terrible and the home was in chaos and for some reason every time I see one of those mats I think of those terrible rat kids.  I mean, I rank it right up there with things I never wanted to do - Mom jeans, minivans, and foam mats all over the floor (no offense to any of you out there with these things, I realize these are my own personal issues).  Nevertheless, I broke down and got the gawdy thing....and I friggin loved it!  It felt so nice to play on, and especially now with Ellie bug, I am on the floor all of the time.  I wanted to cover my entire house with them.  Two things that kept me from doing that - my toddler takes the letters out ALL OF THE TIME and I just couldn't get over seeing them and thinking that my life is chaos (again, my own personal issues).  It's just that nothing said "my house is no longer mine and it belongs to my kids" as the neon floor mat.  No, its not the toys that surround every inch of space - its the dern foam mat (again my own issues).  So I saw a need to reconcile this matter so I took things into my own hands.  I searched for hours for a foam mat that I could live with...no such luck.  Closest thing I got to was hardwood floor colored, but I thought that would just be too trippy so then I went to Pinterest. 

I realize I had much more pressing things that needed to be done during this time - like the laundry, washing bottles, etc, but I got sucked into the vortex of Pinterest and I could not rest until I had corrected this foam mat issue.  I found four or five pins about painting foam mats and one negative Nancy that said whatever you did in this world, do not try this because it was a waste of time.  There is one in every bunch, so I just ignored that pin.  I knew sort of what I wanted the mat to look like.  We have one of my favorite quilts from Target that seems to have made it into every picture of the kids we have because it was the only thing I had to throw on the floor when I was still in denial about the foam mats.

I always did like the way it looked when it was on the floor, but it would always end up with some kind of food, drink or poop stain on it.  That, and our dog loves to pee on anything that resembles a rug.  This was one day when I caved and used the alphabet mat.  If Ellie wasn't so cute I would be cringing:

But I figured I would use it as a basis for design for my mat.  So I went on my beloved Zulily and bought two sets of Tadpole mats like this one:

Yes bright blue and hideous brown please?  Said no one ever.  I just picked one because I knew that I was gonna cover that stuff up. Here is the other stuff I got:

1. Primer
2. About five different "Colors to Go" from Sherwin Williams
3. A stencil from Amazon
4. Stencil kit from Amazon
5. Two cans of top coat

And here is what I did (Note:  I would have never had time for this but I had to stay home with Eliza for 2.5 days so I did all of this while she napped):

1. I wanted my mat to be larger than the four squares, so I put six together and then left the other two to use as a bath mat or kitchen mat.  Make sure you get the mats with the solid edge pieces or you will still look like you just painted a foam mat...
2. I primed all of the pieces with two coats.  One right after the other - ain't nobody got time for waiting for paint to dry
3. Next day I did two coats of base color. I kept the pieces detached just to be able to move them around to let them dry.
4. That afternoon I stenciled using a foam roller and a couple stencil brushes for the inside flower colors.  It could have been a lot simpler by using one color and the stencil but like everything else I like to make things difficult and had my heart set on the design of my favorite quilt so I spent the rest of the evening painting the flower doohickeys.
5. I thought the Negative Nancy pinner that said you shouldn't try this pin screwed up by not doing enough of a top coat so I used all two cans of my top coat on the detached pieces.  Be careful when you detach the pieces after the stencil though I had some that had stuck together and the paint pulled off the edges.  No biggy, but could have been avoided.  Make sure you detach before you do the top coat or you won't be able to detach them to move them out of the way - negating one of the pros of using the foam mat to begin with.
6. Plop that sucker down and enjoy! 

Some things to think about - If you have dogs with sharp claws, it will poke a hole through the design.  We found that out with our precious Emma.  I think it just gives it that "distressed" look like everything else in our house so I was okay with that.  Also, shoes with heels will mess it up.  Just be smart about what you put on it and it will last.  It has already withstood several dance parties and my knees are oh so thankful.  So, here is our final product.  Looks like Ellie bug loves it too.  And pay no attention to the toys everywhere that may give the impression that we live in chaos :).

My diet update...

My blog originally began as a way to keep myself accountable with my struggle of losing weight.  It definitely helped keep me on the straight and narrow while I was doing it because I felt like I had to answer to someone.  If not just myself having to read that yet again I had not done what I set out to do.  This being why I named my blog "Sarah's Finally Losing it".  But over the years, I have discovered that life was not so much about losing it as it should be about gaining a better, healthy self image and taking care of myself instead of treating it like a garbage can for carbohydrates.  Oh my precious pretty carbohydrates (said in a voice like Gollum from Lord of the Rings).

So after two kids, the blog title has taken on a very different meaning.  Some days it stands for losing my mind, losing my will, losing my gall, losing my overall generally positive perspective on life.  Some better days it really is about losing all the crap that doesn't matter and realizing what does.  Most days its just longing for a simpler way to live and be happy.  My kids are teaching me a lot about what that means.

But I would be lying to your face if I told you that my weight was not something that still haunts nearly every other hour of my life.  I am thinking it is genetics.  If you don't believe me, check out this pictorial fat graph I made at the beginning of my diet for motivation.  I mean who does that?

 

Personal worst to Personal Best (never wanted anyone to see the bikini pics now I would be proud of them)  In case you are wondering I am in the middle of this scale as of today

 I hear other women talk and blab on and on about weight, and I catch myself smugly thinking "Jeez I am glad I am not that crazy and hard on myself".  Sarah, you silly silly girl.  I never liked the verse "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."  You really got me on that one, Jesus...It's much more fun to converse about the spec in every one elses' eyes than to even entertain the idea that I may have a huge chunk of wood in mine.  I do obsess about my weight in my own mind, and maybe a little of it spills out into my conversations.  I think its genetics.  So yeah, its my Mom's fault not mine.  :)

So I have decided that I would like to be the link in the chain that breaks this obsession with weight.  A long lineage of women in my family have spent their free time talking about who gained what and did you see how big she was?  I know I have provided much conversation at the dinner table with my own yo-yoing.  I don't want my daughter to hear you would be pretty if you lost 20 lbs and I don't want her to think that her level of acceptance is directly related to her jean size.  Although in most of modern day culture that is still true - I would rather spend my energy teaching her to be smart, kind, compassionate, funny, and healthy.  I realize to do this I must be a role model for all of those things.  Crap, that's a lot of pressure.  Hence why it is easier to just tell someone else how to do it.

So for those of you that are like me and like to read about every single weight struggle and every pound lost and the details of the new diet fad I happen to be on, may be a little disappointed in the future as I try to only check in with how it is going rather than focusing all of my energy on my weight.  So here is my update and I shall check back in at a later date (probably when I feel most guilty about not taking care of myself.

I apparently am the type of woman, no matter how much she fears gaining a bunch of weight when she is pregnant, will inadvertently gain 70 lbs when I am the condition.  My first pregnancy, it was due to feeling like I had an excuse to eat everything that suited my fancy, and the second time, I was actually conscious about what I was shoving in my face but had a hard time controlling. I actually didn't gain as much the second time but after the dust settled and I went back to work, ended up weighing the exact same.  I had gone on the HCG diet at a local Dr's office after I had Isaac, and had lost all but about 10 lbs of the baby weight.  It seemed as soon as I was able to enjoy being a nice healthy size, we were making the decision to begin the whole IVF process over.  So I have pretty much felt like I have been getting pregnant, being pregnant, or trying to get over being pregnant for nearly four years now.  Since the HCG diet seemed to be the most dependable route for me, I went back to the Weight Shop like before and started the whole drudgery again.  

Let me tell you, it was so hard to let go of my sugar and carbs this time.  I knew that the only way I could get through it was to re-learn to eat to live rather than live to eat.  You would think I would already have learned to do this, but it seems I have to rewire myself every time I fall off the wagon.  This is a difficult process for me, but in the end I realize that I have to find joy in different things instead of Velveeta shells and cheese and croissant rolls.  They do make me oh so very happy.    Once I get over the initial hump I feel like I can hang on for the long haul, and this type of diet gives me results quickly so I stay motivated.  

My normal day consists of three cups of coffee with stevia sweetener, a bag of protein chips, a protein bar and some sort of grilled lean meat and vegetable.  Oh and we can't forget my one serving of fruit a day - a small (large) glass of Moscato.  That's it.  EVERY SINGLE DAY.  And if I cheat at all I know it will go so downhill so fast that I have only cheated once in 4.5 months.  We went away for my husband's b-day and I ate some pita slices with hummus and it was over.  Half a family size bag of M&Ms and the next two days and I had gained 3 lbs back.  So in a little less than 4.5 months or 124 days, I have lost a total of 53 lbs.  I would like to lose about 22 more and I have given myself the rest of this month and two more months on the plan to see if I can make that happen.  

I am back in my pre baby jeans and starting to feel like myself again.  I always have conflicted feelings about getting back to my normal though.  Its weird when I am overweight, and especially that overweight, it is like I am invisible.  Its like a weird re immersion into the universe.  I work with a bunch of guys and its not like they were rude or anything when I was bigger, its just that they didn't look at me when they talked to me.  Now that I am getting back to my healthy, its like all the sudden I reappeared.  Which really ticks me off when I think about it.  Its nice to have positive attention now, but where the heck was I for the past year?  I WAS RIGHT HERE!  Same person just with less muffin top.  I guess its one of the reasons I have had to develop such an awesome personality.  Ha!

So that's it, my exciting weight update.  Maybe I can re post to celebrate hitting my goal and we won't have to talk about it again :)

Stitch Fix #1 (of infinity)

So, I know I have to do some posts to catch back up, but in the meantime I have to share my excitement from receiving my first stitch fix in the mail this past weekend.  If you don't know what Stitch Fix is you have either been A) living under a rock or B) raising crazy young 'uns.  Here is the link to the site if you want to check it out Stitch Fix. A friend from work, who knows I struggle in the fashion and style department, told me about it after I had Isaac.  After having E, I knew one of my weight goals was to lose enough to even fit in the sizes that they provide.  Once I reached that size, I kept stalling for a few reasons.

1. If you have ever had a weight problem, you may have the same fears that I always had about receiving clothes from anyone or anything that you didn't try on first or pick out yourself.  Being chubby my whole life, I hated receiving clothes for Christmas for fear of the "Oh go try it on and show all fifty family members how it looks" only to find I couldn't get the fabric above my knees.  It has happened...more than once.  Then you have to do the walk of shame wearing the same thing you had on before you left the room with the ole' shoulder shrug that it didn't fit.  It was more so about my own disappointment than anyone elses, but still.  Even the few interspersed times of being less chubby my mind set was automatically that any clothes that arrived to me in that fashion would be too small, regardless of the actual size.  Maybe its just me.... So anyway, the first fear was that I would be so excited, tell my friends I was doing it, get it in the mail, and nothing would fit.
2. I am a habitual buyer of clothes that do not fit under the assumption that once I buy them I will magically lose the weight necessary to wear them appropriately.  ESPECIALLY if its on sale.
3. I never buy an item of clothes that is over $29.99 (and the 1 cent does matter to me).  Well, there was this one time I went into the Buckle store (where store attendants are definitely paid by sales commissions and ended up buying two pairs of $100 jeans that I now realize give me muffin top no matter what size I am. I got too many "oh girl, you can definitely rock that" and my self esteem made me do it).
4. I am still on the diet from hell and losing weight so I have no idea what size I actually am (see reason number #1) 

Here are the reasons I ultimately did it.

1. Ever since I can remember being in control of my own wardrobe, I have had no idea what my "style" is.  I am all over the place - feminine and flirty, casual, vintage, traditional, classy, country, grunge....  My closet definitely needs to go to rehab for having multiple personalities.  And because I only buy clothes that are cheap - they don't necessarily fit or do anything for me.  Not only do I not wear most of the clothes in my closet, I don't even LIKE half of them.  I have dreamed of wiping the slate clean and actually spending the necessary money on having wardrobe staples that I could feel good about wearing.
2. The need to stop waiting until I was the perfect size that I am never gonna be.  For my entire life I have wanted to be a size 10.  Not skinny, but healthy.  I have only been there once.  Lets face it, even if I get there this time the probability of staying there based on historical performance is really small.  Not to hate on myself, just trying to be realistic.  So does that mean I wait forever and possible never to have a nice wardrobe?  Clinton and Hillary from What not to Wear say "NO!".   I need to stop being ridiculous.
3. I feel a deep seated need to buy,have,and wear new clothes.  I feel better when I am wearing new clothes and then the new wears off and I don't ever wear it again.  Hence why it has to be cheap.  To me, there is nothing like wearing a brand new anything.  But because they are cheap and I was never really loving them anyway I always need more.  This is also ridiculous.
4. If nothing fit or I didn't like any of it, I could just send it back!

So once I grew a set and decided to do it, I went to the site and started filling in my personal style profile.  Like I said, I didn't know my style so at first this was a little daunting, but it was so easy once I started going through it.  They show you several sets of clothes and you say whether you love it, like it, don't like it or hate it.  That was helpful.  The size parts I was afraid of, but you have to be honest or you will get stuff that looks terrible.  The site suggests that you create a pinterest board of different outfits that you like to help the stylist, so went a little crazy one afternoon and did that too.  I was a little worried that every style I picked had a skinny girl wearing something and the stylist would get the wrong idea of what I could wear, but somehow he didn't....And yes I said HE.  I would like to refer to him by his name - Chris(topher).  I do have to say I was surprised to see that a guy did my styling but Chris obviously knows what he is doing.  Here is why I already love him:

1. He picked things for me that fit.  A couple items were a little snug for one reason or another, but for the most part the fit was great.
2. He picked things I would never have picked off of the shelf.
3. He showed me how to pair the items with different things for completely different looks - this is what I struggle with the most.
4. He made me step out of my cheap comfort zone, but not so far out of it that I had a meltdown and sent everything back.

Here is my cheat cards that will help me to look like I know what the heck I am doing with the items that he sent me.  This is actually really helpful.

So you are probably saying, "shut up already and show me the goods".  Taking pictures of myself created a little (a lot) a bit of anxiety, but fortunately I was overcome by the exhaustion of the whole "Paci Fairy" debacle that I decided not to care (long story for another day).  I won't say that I didn't take a thousand shots and weeded out the best I could find, but still.  Its better than the first option of not including my face in any of them.  So here we go - the good, bad and the ugly.  I'll start with the good so we can work up to the ugly.

1.  

 You will have to forgive the shotty camera work.  I had already had three cups of coffee and I still have no clue where to look when I take the picture.  This blouse was the first I put on.  The fit isn't exactly perfect, but it works I think.  I would have never picked this shirt off of a rack, but I do like it, and BONUS, it is orange and white and navy so could pass for a good Clemson football game shirt.  I like the feminine details and the lines down the sleeves.  Looks professional enough for work, but not too uptight, and manages to be pretty without showing too much cleavage.  I wouldn't have thought to pair it with white pants, but since Chris suggested it, I went ahead and tried it and I actually liked it better than my usual.  I had to search for them in the back of my closet because white pants are laughable in my house (if I don't mess them up with my sloppy eating and clumsiness, my two kids will see to it that they don't make it through a day) but I think I will keep this one. 

2. 

 
 Chris must have read my mind on this one, although they were the scariest to take out of the box and actually put on.  I avoid trying on jeans at all costs, hence why I still have a pair from my freshman year of high school.  Lately, I have become obsessed with finding a really cool pair of cowboy boots.  Problem is, to pull off the look I imagine I need some sort of skinny jeans.  Skinny jeans scare me to death.  I have seen skinny people look bad in skinny jeans, much less someone who has a lot more to shove in them.  I actually liked these when I put them on.  I was trying not to be encumbered by the ether of just being able to get them on, and judge them objectively, but I liked them a lot.  I'm not impressed with the full frontal view but I do think they help out in the butt department.  Chris totally helped me out by suggesting that I roll them up, which I thought could work with all the flats I wear to work.  Now I know I don't look particularly stellar, but in the whole skinny jean realm I would actually feel comfortable in them?  Now for some really awesome cowboy boots.

3. 

Okay now, I know you are thinking this shirt is too tight, and it is, but I loved it.  So here I am breaking the cardinal rule of buying clothes that "will fit in ten pounds".  But I really really liked it.  Chris must have been stalking me, because this is exactly the type of stuff I want.  I could wear this to work (in 10lbs) and look polished, but also wear it to a kids birthday party (and just not eat any cake).  The color is my fav and I like the weird sleeves.  I think I am liking the two blouses the best because I feel like one of my best features is my decolletage, or as my 2.5 year old calls it - "the chicken bones that poke out of my neck".  I think I'll keep it and maybe make myself wear it for the embarrassment and punishment if I don't actually lose the 10 lbs.

So those were the good things I thought. The bad thing, well, its not really bad, its just too bad for me.  I am not an accessories girl.  I put in a pair of target dangly earrings until they lose a part or turn colors and then I buy another pair and leave them in indefinitely.  I only really wear my wedding band and ring, and hardly ever wear a necklace unless it is so tiny you could barely see it.  I don't know, its just not my thing.  And I certainly wouldn't ever spend more than $20 on any one piece.  This is why the only "real" jewelry I own is my wedding rings and a overstocked Pandora bracelet.  I realize this whole theory is probably because I don't own nice things, but at this point, I would just rather spend my money on clothes.

 So here is the bangle that Chris selected for me.  When I saw it in the box, I was a little disappointed since I wanted it to be all clothes, although I didn't say that on the survey.  I would like to be surprised by a piece every now and then, but this was $34, and unless its just a really good deal on 14k gold, I don't want it.  I didn't even want to put it on, because the more I looked at it the more I liked it, and then when I did put it on I was thinking maybe I would keep it.....but  I stuck to my guns and sent it back.

Okay for the ugly.  Let me preface this by saying when I saw this garment, I immediately thought of tapestry on the walls of the Biltmore House.  Not a look I could pull off.  But, I wanted to keep an open mind and maybe the fit would just blow my socks off.   Not so much.

This dress ended up accentuating everything that I would like to hide or forget I have.  From the arms, to the thighs to the post baby belly.  You can even tell I am sucking it in uncomfortably in the last picture.  It's so bad I didn't even want to post it.  Not your fault Chris, it could have worked better on someone with different coloring and flat tummy.  But I am gonna go with a big no on this one.

So all in all the bracelet and the dress went back.  I kept the two shirts and the jeans for a total of $150.  I know that was high, especially when one of the shirts is a tad too tight, but I really liked them and felt like they would be staples in my wardrobe for a while.  And with the help of the suggestions could get a few other pieces and use them for totally different looks (would have never thought about the yellow skirt with the blue top but I bet is would look great together). 

If you are interested in stitch fix, please use my referral link - http://www.stitchfix.com/referral/3970713 .  My husband will thank you for the discount I will get on my next fix :).

Oh, and thank you Chris - where ever you are I hope we can be friends.

Visit Sarah's profile on Pinterest.

Sike! I'm really back now! (for the sanity of my poor husband)

So my husband doesn't care to hear narratives about how much I love Jamberry, Zulily, Jane.com, Stitch fix, make up, or anything other girly thing in my life.  He has feigned interest in those things for far too long.  He needs for me to have an outlet, and my friends need for me not to sound like a salesman when I get on a kick about something I like, so I felt like I needed to strike up the ole' blog again.  Even if no one out there is reading, I feel better.

Ya'll...Having two kids under the age of three is TOUGH.  I have never been one to complain about anything having to do with my kids (I went through a lot of stuff to get them here and would do it a hundred times over) and I was never one to complain about my pregnancies so I am not about to start complaining now.  I just want to be straight up with you guys.  I wasn't prepared.  (Not that I think you could be prepared at all). Before deciding to go through IVF again using one of our frozen embryos, my husband liked to state that "having one child was like having one and having two was like having five."  I thought it was one of the dumbest things he had ever said at the time.  Well, dang it, as much as I hate to ever admit it, he was right.  Somehow the laundry goes from three loads a week to nine loads, and since I have two young 'uns in diapers we are most of the time up to our eyeballs in poop.

But ya'll, look what I got...

So much joy and cuteness and blessedness that I can't even contain it and I don't want to.  Our little Ellie bug (Eliza Rae) has completed our family and she is perfect in every way.  And Isaac is too.  He is a genius and a happy little southern gentleman.  He is also 2.5 yrs old... and wild...and all boy.  We have adventures every day, and have only ended up in the hospital twice.  WHEW!

So wow...been a long time.  I have literally told myself a bagillion times that I needed to start writing again - for numerous reasons.  The largest of which is that, on any given day I can have a hundred feelings that I forget by the time I lay my exhausted face on the pillow every night.  I have been through so much in the last two years and I look back now and wish I had some sort of journal, or way to remember the emotions I had at those times.  But alas, I do not.  And one of the reasons why I never felt like I could start again was feeling the need to write about everything that has happened sounded even more exhausting.  There was never a good place to start.  Well, I am just going to have to start, and that's all there is to it.

With my busy schedule and non existent free time, I am always trying to find some sort of deal to make my life easier.  And let me preface that by saying that I am a sucker.  I have probably tried or owned every "As seen on TV" product that has ever existed.  It is a household rule that I am not allowed to watch the Home shopping network after having a little too much to drink on a certain night in college and ordering four king size pillows (I have never owned a king size bed).  You think I am kidding but I am sadly not.  Finding new products I love is addicting and very satisfying, and helps me to over look the fact that I may be failing miserably in other areas of my life.  Example:  I like to look at my pretty Jamberry nails instead of  entertaining the thought that it is quite possible that I have not dusted anything in my home in over a year.  TRUTH.  Who has time for dusting? Oh that's right... people who want their house to be clean.  Its not that I actively don't want my house to be clean, but time with my kids is more important (and Jamberry), and anyone who is going to judge me by the level of dust on my stack of papers on top of a casserole dish that I should have returned six months ago on my kitchen island can really just suck an egg. (that's nasty).  That is a whole other topic of blogness.

So I know in the past my blog has been all over the place with subjects and I can't imagine that it will be any different now.  I will still talk about weight all the time, we still have huge decisions to make on the IVF front that I have to somehow emotionally work through, and since I use myself as a human guinea pig for every new miracle product on the planet I will probably use it as an outlet for all of my many opinions.  My poor husband.  My blog will be an outlet for me, not necessarily for the joy of anyone reading it so feel free to not care if you so choose.  Also, I get really mad when I become emotionally invested in someone's blog and they drop off the face of the planet.  I am sorry about that, but I had a little bit going on.  I really want to stick with, but seeing as I said that last time, I could understand why no one would believe that.  I'll try to do better this time.

I'm back...so look at pictures of my kid!

So wow....It has been a long time.  Not that anyone was too enthralled in my blog to begin with, but I do feel bad that if you were reading a long I just dropped you like a hot potato.  I know when I was stalking every IVF blog out there, I would get a little peeved when someone wrote everyday and then they were pregnant and BAAAAM! you never heard from them again.  Well, I totally became that person and I am sorry.  I miss writing, just for the sheer sanity preserving features.  It is also nice to have a record of A) how type A control freaked I am B) and how I felt at exact moments in time just in case Isaac will ever want to take a gander.

BTW, our little Nubbins was born on Dec 5, 2012.  He was three weeks early after a tough pregnancy with pre-eclampsia, toxemia, and PUPPS Syndrome, and gaining 75 lbs.  All of which I didn't care about because I was just so happy to be pregnant.  He has been the perfect baby, always happy, sleeps well, hardly ever cries.  We think this is for two reasons - God is tricking us into wanting to have another one (which is bound to be much more high maintenance than this one)  and that maybe He thought we went through so much to get him here, He would make the baby years easy on us.

There is no possible way to capture the joy we have felt over the past year, there are no words.  I have written Isaac a few letters to try to tell him, but they don't even come close to expressing what it has been like.  I do feel like we have a different sense of things because we struggled to get here, like how you savor a good cake a little more when you know you made it instead of buying it from Publix.  My husband and I have both turned into joyful sobbing and babbling parents at the drop of a hat, and we believe that everything  he does is completely perfect and precious.  If you don't believe me, you can check out the link to the photoshow I made for his 1st birthday party.  It does a pretty good job of summing up everything I have missed updating on my blog.  But beware, it is 36 literal minutes of photographs of our son.  I could watch it a million times (and I have and cried every SINGLE time)  but I would understand if you closed it after a few minutes.

 http://www.photoshow.com/watch/eR9Tm3qQ

So why, you may ask, am I thinking about picking up the old blog?  The main reason is that I am missing too many moments to save for myself.  I have the absolute worst memory of anyone on the face of the planet.  It isn't that things aren't important to me to remember, but I just can't.  Things like the first time I kissed my husband - I have no recollection but I wish I did...  He doesn't either but he is a lot older than me so he has an excuse.  All we remember is that is must have been good :).  The second largest reason is that I do feel like I need the outlet again, mostly because we are most likely going to go through trying to have another baby and I remember this was one of my many saving graces.  Another important reason to me, not that I have grandiose ideas of impacting someone's life by telling my stories, but I do realize there are very little resources out there for Christians navigating through the very rough moral waters of  IVF.  Believe me when I tell you, I do not in the slightest have any of it figured out, but I would like to see how my opinions change and what I discover about what I believe.  A lot of people going through it turn a blind eye and deaf ear to the ramifications, and in no way whatsoever do I judge those people.  I just know that I need to find what is right for me and that maybe by the time I find that out, it may help someone else.  I mean, I just wish there would have been someone with my beliefs out there talking about this.  There will be major foot in mouth moments, I am sure, because I will speak without taking all circumstances into account, but the people who know me are already used to that, and know that I would never ever say anything to intentionally make someone feel bad or feel judged in any way.

See, I already feel better!  Oh and for any of the people that once followed me forever ago about  my weight loss experience, I probably won't talk about that so much now because I feel like I have other things to obsess about, but I will give you guys a quick update.  For those of you that didn't know before I went through IVF the first time, I did the HCG diet and lost 40 lbs.  In fact, that journey, was initially why I created my blog.  It held me accountable.  Well, it held me accountable until I started to gain all the weight back and then I stopped blogging until I had something else to talk about.  Well, I did gain all of the weight back before and while going through IVF, and then gained a whopping 75 lbs on top of that.  I felt like being pregnant, for some reason, gave me a license to eat all the bean burritos and cheese dip that I could manage to stuff in my face, but it made for a completely miserable third trimester.  Had I not gotten a beautiful baby boy out of the deal, it would have sent me into a major depression.  I also, for some reason, thought that the weight would magically fall off when the baby was born, just like it does for all those celebrities.  Well, when I came home and had only lost 15 lbs (5 of which was the baby and the rest was water from all the swelling I had) I realized it was going to be a long road with all this left over fat.

I never do well unless I am on a program, so I tried a bunch of different things (all while trying to be a good Mommy).  The worst was drinking this tea made by a Chinese herbologist that literally tasted like cold ass.  That didn't work.  I tried weight watchers again too, but trying to spare the time to count points was a joke, and I did the calculation.  If I needed to lose 85 lbs at 2 lbs a week, I was going to be fat forever.  I needed something that would work fast, that would give me results.  So I went to a place called the Weight Shop in our town who suggested doing a round or two of HCG with them (doctor supervised, supplements, and injectable HCG with a strict diet)  Since I had done so well on it before, I bit the bullet and tried it again.  I started in March of this year and have lost nearly 75 lbs of the 85 lbs.  I felt like this time was different (I know all fat people that lose weight say the same thing) but I really don't want Isaac to struggle with this and I don't want him to see my struggle with it like I saw my Mom.  So anyway, I am still trying to take off the last 10 lbs or so, but if being a Mommy has taught me anything, its that you gotta cut yourself some slack every now and then.  So we will see how that goes....